When the Captain speaks…listen and learn!

A capable, smart, can do lady, always has room for improvement and accepts every moment as teachable. Today I allowed old messages to take over my current, present moment of actually living in my otherwise pretty serene life. The results, cowering down and ignoring my own responsibilities that the Captain clearly does not want to handle fully, nor should he. There’s input and assisting to a level of comfort on his part and then there is resentment building with a thought bubble hanging overhead stating, “what the fuck am I doing this for her when she needs to do it for herself”.

As I reflect back over this tiresome day, I realize with disgust that deep down, unbeknownst to me, maybe this was a form of a shit test. Yes, I said a form. I firmly believe that the starving little girl, who resides deep down inside of me, still awakens to stir things up looking for that needed attention. Some of the less fortunate sufferers out there haven’t a clue of which I speak, so I would be happy to enlighten you by sharing now and then on the topic of “inner child”. They exist in all of us and if not properly cared for back in childhood days, the childlike behavior emerges at the most inopportune moments. That is what happened to me today.

I felt it coming, the gradual build up over the last few weeks. Then it hit me, hard. Repressed, old shitty feelings of inadequacy. Ha, lies all lies, but man did they feel real! Thank the Lord that the Captain has awareness of inner child crap and is a willing participant who understands, listens, then disciplines and redirects me.

After a brief, but deep conversation of expectations and control crap, we both came away feeling heard and calm. The power of communication, validating that I too have a welcomed voice is so refreshing. I gave him the absolute respect he fully deserves, while in return he gave me adoration for my abilities to be a better lady in his eyes as well as my own. After all, in the end what the hell else really matters? Well, the way he grabbed me and kissed me hard then pushed me away was a great indicator that we really are okay as long as we bring it to the table every time.

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I am living in a blue pill world and I am a red pill girl…

So, the Captain is out of town for a few days and the hamster jumps on the wheel. Contradiction in terms, perhaps, but aware of the spin cycle is half the battle. That is not to say that I don’t have my own life to tend to, but anymore when the CEO is away, the kitty does not like to play. He would not want to know about a red pill girl night either and I wouldn’t inform him of that, unless he asked of course. My old behavior would have taken advantage of this as a shit test opportunity. YUK! I am much more content in honesty and being a good girl, F.O.

That was the heart of the conversation last night as I was out with a novice red pill girl. Her eyes were like saucers as she listened to me decipher her latest behavior as just that, shit tests! She was clueless, but owned it. Proud moment for me to see it for what it is. Easy when it’s visible in another.

Now inquiring minds want to know, “what is this pill thing and what’s with the colors”. Do I reveal to just anyone asking, certainly not. Captain has already told me, one recruit at a time. He is right, as always. I can only give websites and information as not all potential RPG are receptive to the idea/concept/way of life!

As I discovered myself changing a year ago, I had yet to learn about the little red pill. In fact, the Captain introduced me and without realizing, I had already been making the transformations in my own thinking as well as behavior. What a beautiful life and path I have been following ever since.

The beginnings for such a girl…

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This has been a long time coming. Years ago, I was encouraged by many of my “girl” friends to start a blog. Yes, they like the style of which I write, but the content they don’t quite understand. Then one day the Captain of my life introduced me to “the red pill” concept (which is how I had been living without knowing it) and I knew I had found the place to share my deepest thoughts, as well as experiences that hopefully will encourage other girls to be who they were created to truly be, such a girl.

My intentions here are obviously starting out soft, but after a time I will share deep thoughts, from my opinions to real stories. I have little hesitations or reservations when it comes to talking about sex, relationships and oh yes, I use all the naughty words. Of course, some things will have to be left to the reader’s imagination. I can’t reveal all my dirty little secrets. Those I save for the Captain, between the sheets, or wherever he may take me.

Overall,  I have joined the ranks of the red pill swallow~ers and am finding my life to be satisfying and living the way I was created to live. The word is submissive, a verb that was nearly abolished by feminists alone. In my future writings, my annoyance of the “F” followers will shine through. This is not to offend “them”, but the way I see it, if you are reading this and take offence, then there must be some truth to it.

I must say, I am not certain where this will land out there in cyberspace, I can only hope it will. I am writing for me, however, if another’s eyes happen to glance it over, that will make it all the better. I shall close this one now and just see what happens.