It’s funny where I find my inspiration to write. I don’t necessarily put everything into this particular blog, but eventually I imagine it will appear here.
I’ve been really thinking about this word, “obedience” lately. Once upon a time this word eluded my vocabulary. I would have to peg that to the asshole step father I grew up despising. His meek attempts to control and rule the family were nowhere near being a leader, but rather a bully that was just short of beating us into submission.
So, as it turns out, I married the opposite, a BETA through and through! I figured I would be safe in this choice and would never be subjected to cruel, overt, male behavior ever again. What I didn’t know way back then, is how much I would loathe this behavior too.
The results were, I became an alpha/beta type female, disguised as a feminist with my insides screaming out, I want to be a feminine girl, that longs to be taken care of and adored! Won’t someone just let me?! Truth be told, after my divorce from an 18 year marriage 7 years ago, I wouldn’t allow any man close enough to give them the opportunity. Fear was the driving force, invisible was my stance. Sure, I dated a petite handful of…’men’, only to find again and again, one extreme or the other. YUK~
One day this handsome man crossed my path, me being me, skeptical and playing the invisible card still, chose not to notice the attention he was blatantly pouring over me. Over the next several months, this man continued to show up in my life. I wasn’t being a bitch by any means, in fact, that is just not in my nature. I simply was scared. With this “broken picker” I had deemed myself to possess, I made feeble attempts to ward him off, keep him at arm’s length all the while I was becoming attracted to him and his charm.
Less than 3 months had gone by and I found myself asking him to coffee and then saying yes to dinner. We became fast friends, another foreign concept to me that I would find out later, is ALWAYS a pretense to the man just wanting to get laid. No one could ever consider me a prude by any means, but at this time in my life, I had come to the realization that my old ways to “get a guy” was to immediately screw him and there I went, lost forever. Pathetic!
After a year of back and forth in our dating cycle, we both realized how close we truly were becoming. It was refreshing yet at the same time, scaring the hell out of me. I think it was having the same effect on him as he was still attempting to escape the wrath of his past hamster, forever shit testing, long-term bitch companion that continued to have power over him. It was painful to watch, but one day, he choked and swallowed the little red pill, and his manhood has never been the same.
That was nearly a year ago and since that time, he had led me down the same path as a true alpha does. I willingly swallowed the little red pill, in fact I have a lifetime prescription! It was exactly what I had been starving for since I was a little girl. I had watched with a distorted view, my grandma and mom muddle through their lives confused by who had the penis in the house and then wondered why they were frustrated when they tried to make most of the decisions. Hmmmm….
So back to the word at hand, “obedience”…’the act or practice of following instructions, complying with rules or regulations, or submitting to somebody’s authority’. Who knew that once I embraced not only the word, but the act itself, my life would begin to make sense. I’ll tell you who knew, God. Clearly He sent the Captain of my life to me to straighten up my thinking and show me what respecting the Captain births for his F.O.
Captain has taught me so much through his actions from his reborn Alpha male ways. His stance is tall and proud while his frame never falters. In fact, he is so stern with me, I wouldn’t dare be anything short of submissive and obedient. I welcome his reprimanding, whatever form he sees fit.