He says, “I can only love you MY way”…

the right man...

When you fell for him, he was already a man…let him be one now!

Several years ago, a dear friend of mine, (she is more like a spiritual mom to me) shared these words from her husband of 37 years. “You want me to love you “Suzie’s” way, but I can only love you “Dave’s” way. I found it to be the most profound thing this truly, alpha man has ever said.

Looking back I can recall the multitude of ways this now, 74-year-old man, was a strong leader and a man who knew exactly what he wanted. His frame never faltered, his decision always final and his lovely wife fought him every step of the way. Submit and obey have never been in her vocabulary and I don’t expect they ever will be at her age of 74.

Yes, if we are doing the math, she was strongly influenced by the feminist acts. More importantly, she had lived through some personal tragedies that also formed her opinion of men. I consider myself to be blessed having had this woman grace my life with her experiences and wisdom.

She listened to me for years when I was facing my own challenges of being a newly single mom. She held my heart when I thought it would never mend, She loved me when I couldn’t even love myself. Most importantly, she encouraged and supported me every step of the way through all my triumphs. She taught me to lift my left hand up and reach over my right to pat my own back and not wait for another to validate me. I started to grow up into a new, confident, self-supporting lady. On those days when i just wanted to give up, she showed me that I indeed could take another step forward.

One day, I started to notice something I hadn’t really paid attention to before. This lovely woman, whom I’d admired for so long, was showing her true colors to me. Soon I realized she was continuing to talk about the same issues she had with her husband, for as long as I had known her. If that wasn’t difficult enough to listen to, she had very little respect for him. She didn’t have his back, but instead, she talked behind it. This did not feel right to me. In fact, I was very bothered by it.

I had been observing these two all along and thought their playful ways were part of what kept their marriage alive. She continued to try to change him to suit her needs around every turn. He shot her down either with his harsh, firm words or he simple carried on with what he was doing, never missing a beat. The results, a temper tantrum from this grown woman, acting like a four-year old. The harder she pushed, the further he retreated. Then one day he said those infamous words.

For that brief moment in time, I think she got it. She had spent most of their life together making strong attempts to change this already fine man into her ideal mate when he was already just that. It took me over a year to understand why I had slowly been led away from this beautiful soul that I once looked to for guidance and acceptance. I didn’t share her beliefs and attitude towards men in general, let alone the man in her life. He is a true Captain that has been disrespected far too long.

I had an epiphany the other day that helped me accept Captain exactly for the man he already is, all because of “Dave’s” simple statement, “I can only love you Dave’s way”. I wasn’t on a mission to change the Captain by any means, I merely wanted something to be a different way, MINE. That is such old girl behavior for me that I have been diligently changing. Captain is the man I truly adore, exactly how he is, in every moment. Any changes he chooses are for his own best interest, not of my doing.

This was a nutshell of a huge awareness I have been blessed to grasp. It has not only saved me from a lot of trouble, but has opened my eyes even more to what really matters to me.

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Dare to be different…

I cannot recall exactly when the world of the red pill was introduced to me, but it was not very long ago. In recent blogs of others, whom I  follow religiously, the discussion has been on ultra high. I am learning so much more with every comment I read. No wonder I have felt for so long, a sense of displacement among the “women” who have been on my path. I wanted to be different from who they are. I am the only one who can choose this action for me.

Not only do I care to be, I dare to be different.

A quote from ~TempestTcup’s blog~ “AWALT but SWABTO” by ~YouSoWould~ “A woman who is striving to be the best possible wife she can be to her husband, in spite of naturally evolved biological traits that make it easier for her not to, can be considered “better” from the man’s point of view.” 

I substituted “wife” for “lady” in my translation for personal reasons because it works just as well for me. The man in my life is a former “Mr. nice guy” that served me up a big platter of red pill sometime last year. He made it clear that the choice to swallow or not swallow, was solely mine. By his calculations, it was sometime earlier this year I managed to get the whole thing down.

Since that time, I have felt more at peace and have a sense of belonging I never thought I would find. My awareness of  the “trolls” and bitter “purple or blue pill” women out there is heightened. Alienation has been the result for a big part of my choice as well. I am in no way complaining about this, but rather making a simple observation. In this respect, sometimes things need to be done for me that I cannot do for myself. Like extricating venomous well-wishers permanently from my world.

This is where I am at the current moment. While I would not sacrifice my happiness by continuing to cultivate those unhealthy relationships, it can be a lonely state. I am thankful to the Captain everyday for not only sharing with me the world in which we both belong, but for encouraging me to start my own blog. Here is where I feel I have found more of the true me that I have been striving to be.

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Nice guys finish last…

niceguy

The nice guy syndrome, a default position

Brought about from a failed childhood condition

Where was that father, the absent leader for his son

Completely unavailable, no wonder the inner child still continues to run

Fend for himself, he learned from the script written in his head

Remain damaged and broken, live a life you’ll soon begin to dread

Question it all, your manhood and belief

Till one day you shudder in hopes for some relief

He hits that brick wall, how the fuck did I get here

As he feels himself tremble, suddenly it’s clear

A transformation is what he needs to save his weary soul

But how and to what, he sets out to make a new goal

As he stares at his reflection, he is sickened by the past

A nice guy before him, an integrated man at last

A solemn vow, never to return

That man is dead as he watches the fire burn

A bitter red pill he did choke down and swallow

The “try harder” method, “you’re not doing enough”

Never will he follow

He has learned to seek approval and knows where it all begins

It’s not out there where it matters, but right here from within

A special snowflake he is, unique down to his very core

No man could measure up to this beautiful, sexy man I absolutely adore!

red pill