When you fell for him, he was already a man…let him be one now!
Several years ago, a dear friend of mine, (she is more like a spiritual mom to me) shared these words from her husband of 37 years. “You want me to love you “Suzie’s” way, but I can only love you “Dave’s” way. I found it to be the most profound thing this truly, alpha man has ever said.
Looking back I can recall the multitude of ways this now, 74-year-old man, was a strong leader and a man who knew exactly what he wanted. His frame never faltered, his decision always final and his lovely wife fought him every step of the way. Submit and obey have never been in her vocabulary and I don’t expect they ever will be at her age of 74.
Yes, if we are doing the math, she was strongly influenced by the feminist acts. More importantly, she had lived through some personal tragedies that also formed her opinion of men. I consider myself to be blessed having had this woman grace my life with her experiences and wisdom.
She listened to me for years when I was facing my own challenges of being a newly single mom. She held my heart when I thought it would never mend, She loved me when I couldn’t even love myself. Most importantly, she encouraged and supported me every step of the way through all my triumphs. She taught me to lift my left hand up and reach over my right to pat my own back and not wait for another to validate me. I started to grow up into a new, confident, self-supporting lady. On those days when i just wanted to give up, she showed me that I indeed could take another step forward.
One day, I started to notice something I hadn’t really paid attention to before. This lovely woman, whom I’d admired for so long, was showing her true colors to me. Soon I realized she was continuing to talk about the same issues she had with her husband, for as long as I had known her. If that wasn’t difficult enough to listen to, she had very little respect for him. She didn’t have his back, but instead, she talked behind it. This did not feel right to me. In fact, I was very bothered by it.
I had been observing these two all along and thought their playful ways were part of what kept their marriage alive. She continued to try to change him to suit her needs around every turn. He shot her down either with his harsh, firm words or he simple carried on with what he was doing, never missing a beat. The results, a temper tantrum from this grown woman, acting like a four-year old. The harder she pushed, the further he retreated. Then one day he said those infamous words.
For that brief moment in time, I think she got it. She had spent most of their life together making strong attempts to change this already fine man into her ideal mate when he was already just that. It took me over a year to understand why I had slowly been led away from this beautiful soul that I once looked to for guidance and acceptance. I didn’t share her beliefs and attitude towards men in general, let alone the man in her life. He is a true Captain that has been disrespected far too long.
I had an epiphany the other day that helped me accept Captain exactly for the man he already is, all because of “Dave’s” simple statement, “I can only love you Dave’s way”. I wasn’t on a mission to change the Captain by any means, I merely wanted something to be a different way, MINE. That is such old girl behavior for me that I have been diligently changing. Captain is the man I truly adore, exactly how he is, in every moment. Any changes he chooses are for his own best interest, not of my doing.
This was a nutshell of a huge awareness I have been blessed to grasp. It has not only saved me from a lot of trouble, but has opened my eyes even more to what really matters to me.