I have but one life, I choose to keep it simple…

this moment

My beautiful, bad girl cat woke me about three to five times last night. Because of her, I lost critical sleep. Then, as the morning awakened me and my eyes reluctantly opened, suddenly life began to feel bigger. I asked myself, in the grand scheme of things, is it? The correct answer is no, only if I choose to let it be. This is when I recognize how important it is to keep it simple. Understand that I am tired now, a little irritable and just need to take extra care of myself today. So I gave myself permission to do just that.

As I lay here, fighting against getting up to start my day, I begin to reflect upon a phone call from my number two son last night. This young man has taken his place up on his throne that is dubbed “the pity pot”. It is not a learned behavior he witnessed in me, but it will be his undoing if he doesn’t man up and accept life on life’s terms. He is a nineteen year old father of a beautiful, two year old daughter. Recently, he and the mother ended their unhealthy relationship. Kudos to them for not prolong the pain. A lesson that was hard learned for me a mere seven years ago. I praised him for taking charge of this area of his life in order for it to be less complicated.

In the midst of our phone call, the Captain beeped in. I told my #2 I would call him back. Thank you Lord, I needed a breather from the rant that was on that end. What a beautiful sound of sexy, deep tones coming at me on the other line now. Just what I needed to hear. As I told him of my conversation, he asked what is it with these #2’s of ours.

Captain is watching his daughter go through some difficulties in her own relationship. He helps me with his manly, alpha wisdom when it come to my three sons. I know it is because he cares and understands what it is to have an unavailable father, just as my sons are lacking. He gave me many pearls to share when I called my son back. In short, it was to tell him, “this is his job, raising his daughter now and to man up about it”. Captain knows how much my son loves his daughter and what a dedicated father he is. It makes me burst with pride watching him with her. She truly is the love of his life.

If there is one thing I admire in this son of mine, it is that he has lived by his own mantra, “I got this”, usually followed by “mom”.  As I was talking with him and conveying the Captain’s direction to tell him to “man up and own his responsibility, this is his job now”. I was remembering all the accomplishments this son of mine had conquered in a short period of time. I took this opportunity now to remind him of these.

When he was just 10 credits shy of graduating with his class, he pulled out all the stops and made that happen. He knew he would need money to take care of his baby that was due one month after graduation, so he obtained a job and three months later, he had two. Next came the need for a driver’s license and a car, check, check. Finally, a place to call their very own. His daughter turned four months old and the three of them moved into their very own apartment.

When this young man sets out to do something, he gets it done. I have never been more proud of him. So when this same son called me in tears of frustration and what sounded like agony from remorse and resentments, I wanted to jump into mom mode and ease his breaking heart. Gratefully, I was quickly steered away from wanting to caudal him to becoming harsh by not allowing him to remain so emotional. Captain assured me it is what he needs and as always, he was right!

Because of the support I received, I was able to advise this son to stop engaging in conversations with his baby’s mom. That she clearly is just trying to bait and hook him because she is a scorned female. She is a screeching, blue pill young woman who learned from her mom how not to behave. Someone like that does not know how to exist unless there are toxic fumes fueling her drama filled head. Sad as it is, it is equally difficult to watch them go through this. Today I know, that in order for them to change the behavior, the pain must be increased. I promised this son that this too shall pass.

I am so blessed to have come to a place in my own life that I can weigh and measure things by asking myself, “how important is this”? Do I choose to complicate my life by owning other people’s shit? Certainly not, even when it belongs to my own child. Their lessons belong to them as do their consequences for all their actions. No one walked through my challenges for me and I came out the other side better for every single one. Something that is hard to see in the moment.

Each one of my sons knows and feels all the love I have in my heart for them. I tell them every chance I get. What’s more important is that I show them by taking care of myself as they witness my own healthy behavior these days. The rewards I receive as a mom is watching their lives unfold and then relish in the blessings they receive. It was pointed out to me some years ago that, when a son comes to his mom with the big stuff in his life, he feels secure because I am the safest place he knows and goes. I used to think that was a beautiful gesture. Now I worry that they will try to hold onto my apron strings that I am working hard at severing for their own growth.

cut the strings

It is time for me to get off of their backs, get out of their way, and get on with my own life…

Advertisements

Those all important words, in the moment…

fuk me hard

I am not talking about “I love you” or sentimental feelings like that when the Captain is behind me, under me, or has me flung over his lap for his pleasure, giving it to me and taking what he wants. What matters to me and soaks me to the point of being over the top in wanting him are things like, “you are fucking sexy, baby”, “I love the way your tits feel in my hands, spilling out just the way I love them too”, “your body is looking so good, keep going”, “I love having my choice of holes to fill and I will choose which one that is”.

Nothing gets me hotter and keeps me wanting him moarrr than when he sex talks me up like that. He also has an incredible way of narrating what he wants to do to me, or is about to, and then rag dolls me as he plays it all out. Last night he brought out some new supplies that he has been wanting to try on me. He knows this is always alright by me. Even when I struggle and wince at some of the pleasurable pain, he holds me close, kisses me passionately, tells me, I got this and how good I am being, all the while continuing with his mission.

Captain always knows how to calm me and takes my mind to a far better place in how he is making me feel. I love how experimental we are. It always surprises me the way my body responds to what I once thought I would reject. Funny thing is, in the moment, Captain can do anything to me and I am completely submissive. I love that he knows this yet still soothes me into submission.

This red pill lady’s oath to abide by for her Captain is this; “love me, fuck me, spank me, protect me, lead me, guide me and hold me up to meet my highest good. It’s all I need. In return, I will learn to be accountable and responsible for me, respect you immensely, tell you daily how wonderful and amazing you are, touch you every chance I get, walk gracefully and willingly behind you and always, always, always, keep your balls drained”.

My job is to keep my body sexy by working out and taking care of it. Another responsibility of mine is to always look pretty and anticipate what Captain would like to see me in, or not. For instance, when I wear my hair in pigtails it drives him wild, knowing a BJ is in store for him. He appreciates my attention to details in everything, especially when it comes to my appearance and presentation. I can put together a “dress up for the moment” outfit for many situations we encounter.

That is part of the allure and our adventures that keeps the juices flowing…

juice flowing

Life just needs to be fun and exciting, but it is up to us to add the seasonings and spices…

spices

One woman’s toss and loss is a lady’s found treasure…

treasure of loveI am reluctant to share this experience knowing the Captain will most likely read it, but he reminds me I am writing these for me… thank you, Sir! 😉

It was bound to happen, ’twas inevitable really. I knew at some point, I would cross paths with my Captain’s ex and yesterday was that day. We live in a small, rural town. The main reason most folks move here is to retire, unless of course they are like me and grew up here.  Back to my case and point.

I was in need of some retail therapy and on a mission for new panties to surprise Captain with. As I entered one of our few chain retail stores, at first I couldn’t be certain that the woman I was seeing was really the person I dreaded running into. I became pretty certain after a couple of unintentional pass-byes throughout the store.

I decided this wasn’t worth losing my precious time or wasting energy over. I was on a hunt for my new, pretty, lacy, girly undergarments and couldn’t be bothered by this woman. As I went about my business, finding five new pairs of exactly what I set out to, I got in line. The store was very quiet with maybe five other shoppers, including her. As I headed to the registers, I took another glimpse of this person, still trying to confirm in my own mind if this truly was the female I thought.

I had only met her once, over two years ago. Clearly she did not make much of an impression. Let me just say, yesterday, she looked older, more plain than I recall, you know, worn and a little heavier, shorter hair and solemn. Captain had shared with me once that, “she is more than jealous of you”. I remember thinking, how sad for her to have such low sense of self and how unattractive that must be to a beautiful man like him.

Traditionally, I suppose I may sound like a jealous lady of the ex, but honestly that is not the case. I know too much about her blatant disrespect and full case of no confidence in the man who I am privileged to call Captain today. I witnessed his pain and agony when we first met, yet felt so blessed by him gracing my life.

Some time ago, this woman had the nerve to call me in a desperate state. So often the case with her drama filled world. I will never forget the verbal attacks she made on this man she was supposed to love. Obviously mate guarding was a concept that escaped her. I chalked it up to one last attempt on her part to destroy another piece of his soul, through me. How was that going to work?

As I stood there, patiently waiting in line, I could only imagine that curiosity got the best of her as she approached quietly and took her place in line directly behind me. That’s right, a good place for her to be. I had just come from the gym and was still in my form-fitting little black shorts and bright, coral tank top that reveals my tattoos and enhances my tan. So, needless to say, I was feeling pretty good about her position and view.

I started thinking, “Lord, help me from being so petty and acting like such a freakin’ girl”, but there I was, behaving like a human I was instantly forgiven. It didn’t quite end there when the clerk called me over to her line, the woman behind me actually followed. By this point, I had yet to turn to look at the face that continued to bewilder me. Honestly I didn’t really want to know. Why should it matter? I took a glance as I saw her get behind me, once again, still not 100% sure.

By now I told myself, just let it go, get on with your mission and go about your business. God has this set up for whatever reason and it could possibly have nothing to do with me. More will be revealed kept rolling around in my brain. My girl brain struck once more as I was a little more than thrilled that my purchase she was witnessing were pretty, sexy panties.

I graciously thanked the clerk and went on my merry way. As I placed my bag into the car, I ran into a friend and we chatted just long enough for the mystery lookalike, most likely the ex, to come out of the store. My friend and I said our goodbyes, I climbed into the car and as I drove down the first row, I saw the woman in question in a fairly, newer car than I thought I remembered. Again, I didn’t make eye contact, but a subtle glimpse confirmed she was staring at me as I drove on by in what she knows to be the Captain’s car.

Somehow, this brief, oddly set up exchange between us of, me checking her out and her doing the same, left me feeling more at peace than ever. As I drove off, I no longer had the seething feeling of disgust I used to feel at the mere thought of this woman who tossed away the most amazing man. I have been so blessed to watch my Captain swallow the huge red pill and change over the years into this amazing, stern leader. He has truly become the Alpha male that was always deep inside his soul, but was never allowed to surface.

I know God had removed this toxic, harmful female from his life and presented him to me as an offering and a blessing. It is how He shows me that He is working in my life. I gave Him praise and privately thanked this woman for sabotaging her relationship and walking away from the best thing that ever happened to me.

best thing

The most uncomfortable place I can be in is, the unknown…

believe

I became a believer a few years ago. I walk in faith, you know, believing in something you cannot see. Every now and then fear rears its ugly horns (and pitchfork) and I am sitting in the discomfort zone of hell!

devil

This was a doozy of a misunderstanding between the Captain and I. However, to him it was much, much more. Of course I couldn’t leave well enough alone by listening to him tell me to stop pressing the issue. He just wasn’t ready for the conversation yet. He was absolutely right in his thinking and I ended up with what I deserved. A couple of days to think about what I was going to do differently and how!

As I was headed to one of my favorite jogging trails, I felt tears of confusion well up and I asked God to give me clarity. “Please just put me heavy on the Captain’s heart so we can move past this”. I had just barely parked the car, engine still running and a text came through, “I’ll pick you up for breakfast at 8:45…” Praise You God!!

Needless to say, I skipped my run, flew home, dolled up with what little time I had and soon I was sitting in the truck, quietly waiting his cues. He gave me ample opportunity to open the bag of worms, but instead, I continued to make small talk and fiddle with breakfast while gazing out the window. I watched as others came in enjoying their day. Why is it that it always appears to me that the entire world is walking on sunshine when the pit of my stomach is burning? I continued to wait for that precise moment to begin my apologies, but it never seemed to come.

We ate, stopped off at the store, he took me home and I stood there in the doorway, dumbfounded still not knowing what to say or do, but the flooding of words were spilling over inside my head. I fumbled for what to say. He left. I panicked. Again, I asked God, “WTF do I do now? (He already forgave me for my foul acronym) You gave me a window. Shit, You ripped off the siding and still I said nothing!”

My instructions were, “deep breath, get in car, be responsible, take care of business first, then proceed to his door”. I did exactly what was put on my heart. I knew he’d be sitting in his office and see me the second I approached the door. As I put my hand on the doorknob, I could see the look of, “why the fuck are you here?” on his face. I asked permission to enter as I turned the knob, he nodded. I made a silly, break the ice comment, went pee and came back, “can I try this again, please?”

After a lengthy, productive, mature, long overdue conversation, (some teary on my part) he stood up, turned me around and gentle pushed me towards the bedroom as piece by piece he stripped me down. The gentleness was gone. Punishment came first, as well it should. My disobedience and disrespect had to be dealt with. I felt just how angry he had been for a day and a half as the sting from every swat brought a tear of relief to my eyes.

Angry, make up sex is very fucking sexy. Not that I plan to get my red ass in trouble again anytime soon, or on purpose. I would much rather have the discipline be for our erotic pleasure. I was however, very sad, still am, that he told me he threw my toys away. “They have to be earned” was his reply to my, “you did??!” Oh, I will earn them back, and then some!

spank

I’m not who I once was, but I’m not yet who I strive to be…

kitty-lion

Have you ever stared in the mirror for so long that you started to not recognize your own image? I can gaze into my Captain’s eyes for the longest time and see deep inside his very soul. Sometimes, he has to look away when it becomes too intense. Earlier this evening I had a wash of sadness come over me and the tears began to flow. For whatever reason, I went to the bathroom and stood there taking a long hard look at this lady in the mirror. Within minutes, I had tear-stained cheeks and I no longer recognized me.

The whites of my eyes were turning red, my lips began to swell, as my mascara started to smear. I said out loud to myself, “how did I get to this place again?” The answer did not come, no calmness or revelation, only sorrow. There was a time when I would have tried to outrun this dreadful feeling, but today I was willing to stand there and just be.

Maybe that was why I did not see a familiar image reflecting back at me. Although the face I was watching was sad, she was still and her feet were firmly planted on the ground. My only explanation is that I had a conversation with God only moments before. I told Him of the ache in my heart, but He already knew. So I asked Him to bind up these gaping wounds of my flesh and while He was at it, to please do the same for my Captain. While I had Him on the line, I praised Him for His Grace and Mercy.

I was reminded that this too shall pass, but it didn’t stop me from uttering the words, “please hurry”! I understand that feelings are valid just by virtue of being mine, but I need to acknowledge Captain’s as well. I caused him unjust anger and I am praying for the opportunity to make this right in his glorious eyes.

We had a very big misunderstanding last night and instead of listening to his words telling me to let him be, I pushed for a resolution. Selfishly, I did not want to sit in the uncomfortable pain while waiting for him to process his feelings. The ultimate form of disrespect imaginable. I could not apologize to his contentment and it only seemed to escalate his frustration and irritation with me.

I began to ask myself, “Who is this girl? Listen to what you are being told and stop misbehaving”. It was if I was having an out of my freakin’ mind experience and no longer had control of my own ability to be rational. I know I deserve the consequences of my unacceptable behavior as I await what is coming next.

I have spent the better part of today on an emotional roller coaster. I have been self-convicted for the infraction that occurred. I sit anxiously staring in that mirror, trying to recall how I arrived here. The memory becomes as blurry as the vision I see staring back at me.

respect-love

Time is not a luxury to be taken for granted…

God needs us back

Life is far to precious to waste even a day by giving into regret or suffering. Both are only good for wallowing in. I have but this one life and it can be as hard as I make it or as smooth as I choose. As a lady who has had her share of tragic losses, I have truly embraced the concept of “one day at a time”. Today is all I have to work with and I attempt to live it by giving and receiving love within my valued twenty-four hours. Yesterday’s lessons are today’s progress and tomorrow will take care of itself.

Feelings come and feelings pass, but what I do with them is how my life is affected. Where I may not take things as seriously as most, I also do not take important things lightly. I am learning to go with the flow and find acceptance in the things I cannot change. God has granted me the serenity and gives me His ultimate wisdom. His plan always has been to give and receive love, everything else just gets in His way.

So how, as humans, do we accomplish this goal of living in the here and now? My flesh has wants and desires that can fog up my world when I already know that I am blessed with all that I ever need. When worry starts to look around and regret turns my head to the past, I am reminded to look up where faith is shining down.

I have learned many lessons on this journey called life. They have allowed me to love long, forgive quickly and speak softly. In doing so I have added life to my days, not days to my life. My daily praise to the Lord, “Thank You for another breath and all the blessings You have laid at my feet…”

life

love

happiness

Amen!

Crossing his boundaries, bad state to be in…

boundaries

Just when I think I am being such a good girl, I cross the man’s boundaries by being suchagirl!  I don’t mean he drew a line in the sand and I am performing some ultimate shit test. I never do that with him, but at times my girl brain gets ahead of the man. It is so fucking subtle to me that I don’t even realize I am doing it.

After a magnificent week alone on the houseboat, nowhere to hide or have much alone time for him, we still had a beautiful time, as my previous post revealed. I understand how important his solitude is to him and I respect that. So why in the hell can’t I help myself when he clearly needs to breathe and do his “manly shit” back at home? Because I love being in his presence, that’s why!

I am not a manipulative person, but I do know, and the Captain has pointed out that, I want what I want when I want it. I loathe being in that state of mind. It is a deep-rooted fear that stems from abandonment issues. This much I know, but exercising these fulfillment needs on him is strictly forbidden, as well it should be, He has his own stuff to work through still and Lord knows I do too.

Tonight my prayer is this, “God, please remind me I am okay, whole, beautiful and loved. You are my protection when I feel weak. Only You can lift me up for my highest good because You are BIGGER than any sorrow or woe that may cross my way. So please take away my urgency and need to push his boundaries when all that does is begin to build a wall that we’ve worked so hard to crumble. In Your name, Amen!”

So, Captain called me on my shit. He expressed his feelings of being bulldozed tonight by my not allowing him to completely lead in the area of our time spent together. I posed a final question to him, “are we okay?” His response, “not now, but we will be.” Crushed and relieved at the same time, my only choice was to accept it and once again, do better!

Wow, does life take some twists and turns when least expected. One minute were rockin the boat, makin sexy waves for days and the next, some old bad behavior rears its ugly head and I am feeling stupid for being suchagirl!

I am not beating myself up over this, but I am mindful of his feelings. I desperately want to understand because I firmly believe it is far more important to understand than to be understood. I respect and adore this man more than I ever thought possible. Hell, I have never let anyone cum in my mouth before, so that says a lot for us. 😉

Perhaps I am whining a bit here, but being a girl at heart, it sometimes is allowed. Captain knows when I am seeking attention and I love it when he holds me accountable for that. Why do I need it? I don’t, it’s my own little insecurities and my shit to work through. Meanwhile, I will carry on and thank the Good Lord for working in my life. I also pray for a pardon from the Captain. I understand this is a huge foul for him, yet I hope he understands me.

line in the sand

My toy box is growing…

massager

Want to get into the “O” zone, not just 1, 2 or 3, but 4 times? You need the most magical wand of all wands, EVER! This was the first birthday present the Captain gave me and for 7 days aboard the houseboat, he kept me in “O” heaven multiple times a day.

My next gift was a pretty G-string with silver chains to decorate his favorite play toy, followed by a new attachment for the ultimate wand. Together they gave the Captain many options of ways to “pull them out of me”.

I felt so spoiled, even though it was my birthday and we were on vacation, I still took every opportunity to satisfy him with a BJ and a couple of hand jobs just to mix things up, every chance I had. So as we stayed in our semi-secluded little cove on our favorite lake, we kept that boat rockin’ no less than two times a day and sometimes even three.

I got to thinking how amazing our sex life is and all the experimenting and playing we do. He takes a lot of time exploring online to discover new toys, ideas, methods. Anything that gets him horny and hot thinking about doing them to me and with me. I absolutely love it when he says, “a box came for you today”. I am like a little girl who is about to get a new Barbie doll. (that’s what I looked forward to when I was little anyway)

So the party had to come to an end as we docked the boat yesterday and came home last night. Well, wouldn’t you know it, there was another gift waiting that arrived FedEx while we were gone. This one was black and it fits nicely around my neck. I’ll leave the rest to one’s imagination. Captain then tells me there is one more on its way. Feeling like such a good girl, I can barely contain myself as I wait in anticipation.

Today we had to get back to life and reality for the work week was upon us. Mentally I am still out there floating on that rockin’ boat, as Captain keeps me drenched, hot and steamy for not only mine, but his pleasure too.

As I write this out tonight, I was remembering back to my twenties, even thirties and thinking how reserved I was with sex. How boring, unfulfilled and didn’t know what satisfied was about. Honestly, in that marriage of mine, it was all duty sex until it became like a leverage tool. Then it diminished to the point of nonexistence until the marriage finally died.

I am so grateful to have been brought to this man I call Captain and that he was brought to me. We share so much together today and because of that intimacy of the heart and secrets we share of the past, we can explore so much more. The door to the most amazing sex life I could ever dream possible has swung wide open, among other things. 😉

Whats in your toy box_full

don’t forget the rope and that all important oil…

If I can’t be me in front of you, then who?…

dance

My version…

Dance like nobody’s watching; (but make sure the one you love sees you and you look really hot. He is a man and any sexual gyrations that involves your ass and tits rubbing on him is going to turn him on. Do it with pleasure and he will take the lead)

Love like you’ve never been hurt; (pain is inevitable while suffering is optional, so toughen up, stop blaming your parents for all the wrongs they did you and if you have love in your heart for that certain man, feel it, show and one day, say it! If he is an Alpha through and through, he’s likely waiting on you)

Sing like nobody’s listening; (unless you are making the dogs howl and the cats run the other way, who cares? Music soothes the savage beast. It is where the healing begins and it targets the soul. So sing out loud and just maybe he will join you for the next duet)

Live like it’s heaven on earth; (laugh often, especially at his muses and silliness because he makes you giggly and tingly with his touch. Most importantly, let him take you in his arms and you up full always in all ways possible, anytime he wants. Cum hard and often when he brings you there and be sure he does more than you. Don’t wait for that “special moment” or mood to be just right, If you are truly into your man, (Captain for me) then you are already obedient and submissive so the moment is always, “right now”)

Let yourself go, before you know, you will flow 

and what remains is a beautiful glow

silly choose to just be…

Sometimes I simply need to say it out loud…

GOD is BIGGER

When I bring it to life, the power is taken out. It gets cut in half when I share the crap inside my head with God and one other person. Once again, I am breathing.

I used to live my life, a prisoner within my own thoughts. Tormented by the “what if’s” and the “if only’s”. Worry was a constant state of being and fear was the sea in which I swam. I was asked just a little while ago, “how did you get out of it, how did you do it?” My answer, “I prayed, a lot! I Talked to God and told Him how afraid I was to let anyone near my heart again. He showed me time after time He was protecting me. Because I put my trust in Him, my faith grew stronger and He revealed Himself to me a little more every day.”

Now, I did not come to believe over night by some grand epiphany mind you. In fact, it took a second tragedy to affect me so deeply that I had nowhere else to take my pain this time. Ten years ago I was told I would never “come to believe” if I didn’t know what I believed. One thing was clear, my life was not working by my own free will.

After the loss of my beautiful 20 year old nephew to an overdose of heroin, I had surrendered to a much greater power that I never knew existed. There was no other explanation to my being able to get up and put one foot in front of the other soon after his death. Since that time two years ago, my life has changed directions. I have been led down a path than I could not have designed for myself. Along this part of my journey, the weeds of toxicity have been pulled and replaced by healthy new spirits to lift me up for my highest good.

Of course the love for my three sons empower me and remains in tact. We four are freakishly linked in a way that is just unheard of these days. Together we have all walked through some very painful, life altering challenges. The beautiful thing is, even through times of struggles and battles, we always settle before the war and contain the love in our hearts. (God working His miracles)

I was a raw woman and it was merely weeks after losing my nephew when suddenly a new man appeared on the scene. He had entered the rooms of emotional recovery, same as I many years before, in pain and irritated to be there, but desperate to be done with the bullshit of addiction. I had no desire of receiving attention from a man again, especially not now. It was too soon and I was done with my heart being shredded. After some time had passed and our paths continued to cross, I asked God what He was up to. It was obvious we were both broken and wounded spirits in need of repair. The message kept coming back, “trust Me, I have The Plan”. My fight became weaker while my heart became stronger. I learned that I am the one responsible for my own happiness. I get to choose between a wall or a little white picket fence with a gate. So, I decided to hang a welcome sign on the latch, but reserve the right to keep the key.

I am incredibly grateful to that man who made subtle yet direct attempts to get my attention a little over two years ago. I will never forget the way I physically stepped away from him one of the first times we had a brief conversation. Because I was so out of balance, I continued to downgrade my outward appearance. It was a deep, muddled reflection of my insides.

Meanwhile, I fed my spirit and the emptiness was beginning to fill me up with goodness. Eventually I was led to find the willingness to work on my physical and mental well-being. All the while, this beautiful man kept showing up in my path. As he walked through his own agony and lessons to face, I started to feel blessed to be a part of them and to have him see mine. We have traveled across some rocky terrain holding each other up, as well as letting each other fall. We have reached that level of intimacy and vulnerability that is rare to let another see for fear of being judged, ridiculed or let down.

Today we have become very close and share many amazing thoughts, ideas, plans and moments together. He holds me accountable and responsible for my own actions and encourages me in a way no one (man) has ever done before. He never ceases to amaze me and I am constantly in awe of him. I thank God for His handy work in this when I was ready to just dismiss this man and walk the other way without ever looking back…

This is my birthday week and the Captain has rented a houseboat for a week. Oh the fun we will have floating around on the lake with no one to see or hear us for miles. See, the beauty of life is, it takes me from serious to silly in less than 5 seconds these days. That is what truly living is all about to me.

My life is filled with love and I am in love with life.

I only have today and I intend to play, 

everything else just gets in the way!

hokey pokey