What makes a little girl want to be a princess? As that little girl, I must confess, Cinderella was beautiful to me in her rags to riches kind of way. I grew up wanting nothing more than the handsome prince to whisk me away from the life I grew up knowing. She knew what it was like to bow down to pretentiousness and still feel happy on the inside, lucky girl. Those “upper class” people intimidated me, but all I ever wanted was to live freely and comfortable in my own skin. Cinderella’s portrayal of unfaltering self-confidence was something I aspired to.
One day I grew up and forgot all about this animated “idol” of mine. Soon she was replaced by real life, women of flesh. In high school, it started to occur to me that looks seemed to matter if I were ever going to attract the prince. A few contenders came and went, but not one held the glass slipper. Granted, my standards were not set very high. I had yet to acquire a proper measuring stick, so I learned quickly how to “settle”. A trait that would stay with me for most of my life.
When this girl’s insides did not match her outsides, it is no wonder that I said yes to marry a man at the age of 20? The cause was from deep wounds of abandonment that were inflicted from childhood. The thinking, or lack there of, would anyone else ever want this broken young lady? Afraid to find out the answer, I settled.
I am without regret as that choice brought me three amazing young men that I am proud to call my sons. However, I never did receive my glass slipper nor did the pumpkins ever transform into a beautiful carriage. This impacting part of my past has brought me to a place where my heart is filled with an abundance of love. I have leaned into God and asked Him to soften and heal my heart for it has truly been broken. By merely asking this of Him two and half years ago, He began to work His miracles. Just when I thought I couldn’t take one more ounce of pain, I could feel the healing from the inside out. I now know that I am worthy of all things good, including the special gift of giving and receiving love.
“The antidote to abandonment is commitment to love”. (Susan Anderson)
I was reminded yesterday of these transformations and that out of the ashes, beauty remains. As I was lying in bed, slowly awakening from a wonderful night, and a beautiful morning, my Sir brought me coffee. His words were gentle as He handed the hot cup of deliciousness to me, through His special little, sexy grin, “Here you go. Wow, someone is being treated like a princess”. In that moment, I was and I felt it…