As a lotus is able to emerge from muddy waters un-spoilt and pure it is considered to represent a wise and spiritually enlightened quality in a person; it is representative of somebody who carries out their tasks with little concern for any reward
Red lotus; this is related to the heart, and the Lotus flower meaning is associated with that of love and compassion.
God, what is it You want me to see in this moment of Your plan? How else would You have me view it? You promised me that if You brought me to it, only You will get me through it. I hold onto Your word and have never been let down, so why would I question You now?
A hedge of protection sealed my heart like a newborn baby swaddled in a blanket. Your warmth and comfort all around me as I drove up next to his truck. I hesitated not a moment, obedient to Your direction. THIS is who You have transformed me to be today. Feeling safe and secure I exited the car, walking to the entrance, my head held high, my heart You did soften, my edges so smooth. From the other side of the pain I have been weathering, I once again could see through the eyes of my heart. Praying to let my words be few, my voice soft and gentle as I walked in the door.
He stood there at the soda machine, filling his club soda, his gaze out the window he took a small sip. Reaching up I gently rubbed his back, he turned to see who as a smile formed on my lips, a soft and gentle hello emerged from my soul. Peace washed over me in that instant and I knew it was the right thing to do.
Surprised by my sudden appearance, he reached out to give me a warm embrace. I don’t think he expected to find us in this position ever again. A little small talk to break the ice of this slightly awkward, but strangely comfortable meeting. An exchange of pleasantries, followed by a confused look that would accompany his honest statement. The assumption was that he too would be banished as I had done with my ex~husband many years before. The softened smile remained on my lips as I conveyed to him, that is not who I am today.
The truth of the matter is, I have a healing and forgiving heart now. That is a blessing that God has bestowed upon me. I do have that same compassion and kindness for the ex~husband as well. The difference is that man isn’t able to receive it for his own personal struggles.
I had to decline the offering to join him. Not that I didn’t welcome the idea, but God set the time limit as I had to pick up the baby from daycare in a few minutes. Confusion seemed to continue to wash over his face. Maybe it was more amazement of this lady standing before him with the ability to be in his presence with grace. Whatever it meant for him, it showed me just how far I have come in my faith and believe my life is divinely laid out.
As the brief conversation carried on, a few matters of importance were revealed to me and I hope some were for him as well. Was it too soon for this encounter? How could it be when God’s timing is perfectly in order. I am still very raw and emotionally attached. Perhaps deep down wanting to engage in a dialog, which I opted to reveal, I trust in the process that is ultimately bringing forth my healing. Being aware of the slippery slopes we are both capable of sliding down is half the battle. Neither of us electing to repeat a pattern of old.
Another warm embrace while savouring the simplicity yet somehow depths, of the words we shared, gave a sense of ease as I walked towards the door. Climbing back into the car, I gave a glimpse up to the truck that was carting the new motorcycle. For an instance I felt a twinge of sorrow knowing I was no longer a part of him. However, at that same moment I thought, was I really ever?
Driving down the road about a quarter of a mile, my dampened cheek reminded me, this is where we are now. His words rung in my ears, “it has to be all or nothing…” Not sure exactly what to make of that other than, I felt robbed by what he meant because I was never given that opportunity. The choice was never mine to make, but instead the decision was made for me. All I knew right then and there was, I love this man and I always will…
Once more I looked up and asked my Father,
“what is it You want me to see in all of this…?”
“Wait and trust. When the time is right, you will know, more will be revealed…”
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.