Sitting on the porch, the cars randomly pass by every few minutes. Taking an upper road, the less traveled one to avoid our small town congestion I suppose. With every sound of an engine revving to climb up and then squeaky brakes from those descending down the hill, I glance up to the sound of each of them searching for the familiar truck. Wishing things hadn’t come unraveled leaving us where we are, torn apart from misunderstandings and frustrations.
Mr. Blue Bird weaves through the aging beams, grazing the blooming flowers I planted to bring life into my small, now quiet, unsettled world. Landing on the propane tank, he gives a look in my direction as if to say a whimsical hello. A smile arose for his efforts that hadn’t gone unnoticed. Away he flew to carry and spread his joy to the next lonely heart attempting to heal.
Faithful Mr. Sunshine in all his glory, is beating down on every part of my body, bronzing me more while warming me on this already tepid day. He is always a welcome visitor in my life. An occasional darting of the bees and wasps dipping in the bottom of the planters, seeking refuge from the heat as they quench their thirst. The front door wide open, Christian music pouring out at a reasonable decibel, but just enough to fill my soul with the messages that are singing to my heart.
The blessings of this day running through my head, I count them one by one. My thoughts carry me away to tend to the screenplay on pause. The rewind button broke, a miracle no doubt, but the continuous play goes on forever. “If only” is up for an audition along with “what if” as it’s understudy.
How different life could have been…
trailing off again when…
“Hello my name is regret” interrupts the party in my head. “I’m pretty sure we have met. Every single day of your life, I’m the whisper inside that won’t let you forget. Hello my name is defeat, I’m sure you recognize me. Just when you think you can win I’ll drag you right back down again till you’ve lost all belief. Oh these are the voices oh these are the lies and I have believed them for the very last time! Hello my name is child of the One true King, I’ve been saved I’ve been changed I have been set free, Amazing Grace is the song I sing. Hello my name is the child of the One true King!”
Like cold water splashed on my face, his words took me out of my head, back to counting, where was I? Yes, three, four, five…the simply extraordinary wonders that came to rescue me in the moment reminding me my Father will always meet me right where I am.
Your letter I was able to finish today. More healing to be gained, as I bared my naked soul once more to you, confident in my truths, my heart revealing acceptance and ownership of my part. Praying over it, desiring to share it with you as I wait for the moment to present itself.
Conscious of my breathing, my wonderfully sore, semi~achy muscles, the pain remaining yet diminishing in my knee, tummy that wants to be fed, exhaustion of my weary self, eyes itchy from the blooming world around me, I gaze up to take notice, number six, the view overlooking this busy little town from this aging front porch of mine. Quiet and serene, the occasional honk, a siren or two, the neighborhood dogs riled up from the sounds, the lull of the breeze dashing through the lush, wild, eclectic landscape, now cooling me down.
I drift off again to escape in my mind
I think of you…
and wonder if you are still missing me too?