my wish on this Mother’s Day…

memories of harsh words I regret are here once more

as I packed all my things and slammed the door

already fragile barely speaking to one another

completely destroyed us not hearing each other

devastated by your drinking I was merely a teen

why couldn’t you choose me instead of being stuck in between

it was this time of year Mother’s Day Weekend

you came home for three days but I wouldn’t bend

I was left on my own to figure things out

“what the fuck is wrong with you” were the cruel words I’d shout

how could I have known the plan for your life

only five years you had left and we lived them in strife

we had mended some though it was never quite the same

a constant battle of frustration guilt and even shame

the morning I got the call “your mom has just died”

I could’ve laid down right beside you as I sunk to the floor and cried

it had to be a bad dream this lady whom I was just getting to know

in all of her misery and struggles her love for me continued to grow

I knew your best was all you could give

because of you I was learning to live

it has been an amazing road with three sons of my own

on this day alone for the first time since they are pretty well grown

with lives they have all created we share a bond unique and true

built on the love you once offered that still carries me through

I think of you often mom you are implanted in my heart

how blessed I am that you gave me my beautiful glorious start

mom I always loved you I really need you to know

I cherish every memory when I think of you I glow

If only I had one more chance  just to say

would you hold me in your arms and take this pain away

I miss you more than ever your daughter with an empty space

letting your spirit go so I can get to a better place

I think you’d be proud of the lady I’ve grown to be

over bumps detours and struggles the rocky road I am set free

our small town’s huge celebration is forming in the warm sun

the beating of the drums fire trucks floats horses the rodeo such fun

more difficult to hold than the day you went to heaven

even when you were born

my heart on this day is still completely torn 

untying my guilt I have carried for so long as I listen to the sound

a new chapter in my life my feet firmly on the ground

uncomfortable in my aloneness deeply wanting to share in this day

with the Man that I love is all that I can say

to set the new tone for this time of year

toasting your life and lift you up by celebrating in cheer

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “my wish on this Mother’s Day…

      • I got the impression from the poem that your mother has passed and she isn’t here to share Mother’s day with anymore, thus no homecoming with her. As the mother of three sons, happy Mother’s day to you.

        I like small town parades with high school floats and bands, a VFW color guard, fire trucks, ambulances, police cars, hot rods, scout troops and tractors pulling a wagon of folks sitting on hay bales waving with a sign from the local band attached. The little town I go to for such a parade is much, much smaller than yours. There isn’t a building taller than two stories and only one commercial street. A train runs through it so they call it a crossing festival.

  1. You surmised correctly and thank you for the warm wishes for me.

    Yep, that about sums up our parade. It’s one of the largest in our state. I opted out of this year’s festivities for it, but I could hear all of it from my porch and catch small glimpes. We did go to the rodeo on day number 2. It was a perfect Mother’s Day. 😉

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