i am living in a vanilla world and i am a sub little girl…

because i choose to be, want to be, desire to be…

sub kneeling

his baby girl, His little submissive…

“So, how was your fun weekend away?” “So much fun! i was such a good girl, He told me so, a bunch!” Grinning from ear to ear, my tummy flipped as I thought back over our time away. Remembering how much i pleased Daddy Sir, being His girl He expected and told me He needed me to be. “But he didn’t mean he EXPECTED this and that of you??”  I looked at her with a small grin on my face, not knowing what to say, so I said nothing at all. Here I was finding myself yet again, wondering why I answer a simple question and find judgement on the other side. Biting my tongue numerous times before uttering the words, my Daddy or Sir, forgetting briefly who i am speaking to. What comes so natural to me is required to be censored and i despise that. 

Ah yes, that less than understanding tone coming from a special friend who only wants to see me happy. She sees my glow, my giddy little girl inside exhuming from within, but she can’t relate. i can hear it now, “you did what because He told you to?!” I refrained from sharing once again, holding it in. Being a good little girl is what makes me happy, pleasing and serving my DS as He sees fit. Seeing that warm genuine smile upon His face, knowing that i put it there by being and doing what is expected, means everything to me. It is one of the biggest parts of being a sub that other females just cannot comprehend and that’s ok. 

i have lived that life of a “happy wife makes a happy life”, but that was never accomplished. My control was all that mattered. Pleasing me was what i thought was right. So how come it felt all wrong? i never knew all that was missing. That deep down to be controlled, led, encouraged, held up and protected is what i truly needed and was missing in order for me to submit. Now i am the one who cannot fathom being a controlling wife, a spoiled woman who doesn’t receive discipline and have consequences, or thrive and desire them. 

His constant control and invasion of my mind keeps me in a state of knowing Who i belong to. Every part of me is His, to do with what He pleases, as He chooses always in all ways. 

 

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11 thoughts on “i am living in a vanilla world and i am a sub little girl…

  1. Sorry you can’t share your true joy with those near you. They can see you are happy and I’m sure your heart aches to tell them why…but you can’t. Not out of shame of course, but out of a fear of being judged and deemed unstable and not aware of what “you have got yourself into.”

    • It is a lonely place to be in because being suchagirl that i am, i love to share my heart with those i’m close to. It is what it is though. i rely on this community and sub sisters for that sub~port. (Well, and Dan here) haha
      It is certainly not about shame. I think the fulltime vanilla women are uncomfortable at the mere thought of kneeling down, addressing a Man as Sir and giving Him full respect and control. Perhaps that is all they see and gather that’s all there is to it. Stop reading fifty shades and assuming to be educated.
      Oh well, to each His, or her own, or be owned! 😉

  2. wwa~i never want that other “girl” back. i am much happier relinquishing all control to Him. i already have to maintain enough for my business and staff and that drains me as it is.

  3. Pingback: i am living in a vanilla world and i am a sub l...

    • Oh my, i just told Him five minutes ago how increasing my desire to please him is becoming and asked Him what is happening to me? He agreed and i suspect is equally satisfied in it. i love this feeling!
      oh i am happy you found me too!

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