because i choose to be, want to be, desire to be…
his baby girl, His little submissive…
“So, how was your fun weekend away?” “So much fun! i was such a good girl, He told me so, a bunch!” Grinning from ear to ear, my tummy flipped as I thought back over our time away. Remembering how much i pleased Daddy Sir, being His girl He expected and told me He needed me to be. “But he didn’t mean he EXPECTED this and that of you??” I looked at her with a small grin on my face, not knowing what to say, so I said nothing at all. Here I was finding myself yet again, wondering why I answer a simple question and find judgement on the other side. Biting my tongue numerous times before uttering the words, my Daddy or Sir, forgetting briefly who i am speaking to. What comes so natural to me is required to be censored and i despise that.
Ah yes, that less than understanding tone coming from a special friend who only wants to see me happy. She sees my glow, my giddy little girl inside exhuming from within, but she can’t relate. i can hear it now, “you did what because He told you to?!” I refrained from sharing once again, holding it in. Being a good little girl is what makes me happy, pleasing and serving my DS as He sees fit. Seeing that warm genuine smile upon His face, knowing that i put it there by being and doing what is expected, means everything to me. It is one of the biggest parts of being a sub that other females just cannot comprehend and that’s ok.
i have lived that life of a “happy wife makes a happy life”, but that was never accomplished. My control was all that mattered. Pleasing me was what i thought was right. So how come it felt all wrong? i never knew all that was missing. That deep down to be controlled, led, encouraged, held up and protected is what i truly needed and was missing in order for me to submit. Now i am the one who cannot fathom being a controlling wife, a spoiled woman who doesn’t receive discipline and have consequences, or thrive and desire them.
His constant control and invasion of my mind keeps me in a state of knowing Who i belong to. Every part of me is His, to do with what He pleases, as He chooses always in all ways.