littles come out for many reasons…

once a reality in this little’s life…

Pretending to be something this girl is not, is not a viable option. Freedom from the invisible shackles that once bound her inside and out, even hidden from herself, no longer need to exist. This girl equates her inner being as “the little” she now embraces, to a likeness of “coming out”, so to speak. “Little” showed up a couple of years ago without her “big” realizing she had surfaced. Neither one knew why particular situations had such a devastating effect upon their heart that the “big” girl was usually capable of just letting go. Today, in comparison to a small child, her feelings become hurt and her tummy is stirred up at the slightest thought of letting her Daddy down or God forbid, making Him angry. What was happening to this once “independent” grown woman? It was as if she was reverting back to childhood and in a sense, she did.

Along with this transformation, this girl’s ability to be direct for clear communication became skewed, or did she ever really possess the capabilities? After a long conversation with a professional, her feelings of inadequacy and tendencies to go to that place of asking herself, “am i a burden?” she was helped to see that from childhood trauma, she never did quite have a direct way of asking for her needs. Nor did she ever learn how to clearly state what was on her mind for if and when she did, shame, ridicule, and pain inevitably followed. So, she developed a coping mechanism which only she knew inside what she wanted or needed and by the time the thoughts filtered through her mind and reached her voice, they became jumbled. What happened was she learned to talk all around it, leaving the person on the receiving end left to decipher her secret code. This was her only safe way of communicating, or obviously not. 

Daddy has brought this to her attention on numerous occasions and frankly, He is at His wits ends with it. This girl cannot say she blames Him for the irritation, but like anything else, she is always working to better herself and be released of these old patterns that no longer serve her today, but rather hurt her in the long run. So how does she change a behavior that has encroached her for a lifetime? Awareness is only the beginning as this little girl despises this defect of hers. As she stands at this crossroad scared, sad and confused, she knows she desperately wants to be better.

Today she had to look deep inside to seek out this girl’s earliest memories that can date back about twenty years ago when her best friend told her she speaks in puzzles. The bluntness never did escalate to a critical situation, but this girl’s feeling were hurt on occasion because she just didn’t know how to change it. Then again nine years ago, a new friend in this girl’s life, asked pointedly in his similar, irritated, stern voice, “why can’t you ever just say what you mean?!” That was more difficult to receive from this person and caused this girl to retreat farther inside again. Now her Daddy, whom she loves and cares for is telling her what she has heard two times in her life. Only coming from Him, it feels like deep cuts in an already existing wound because what He thinks matters to this girl’s core. The habitual form of communication, or lack there of,  is crippling her and leaving Daddy bewildered and irritated.

There have been new instructions Daddy has given this girl that makes her slow down and really have to stop to think before she speaks that seem to be helping, but she has so far to go. Getting rid of the old mindsets that are frightening and unsafe is her first order. The hope is to distinguish the obvious difference of whom she is speaking to today versus the past. Ridding herself of the trauma from old messages will be reduced and eventually eliminated. That is the only way to help her find her much valued voice her Daddy so desires. Sadly, this little girl goes through feelings of defeat, despair, hopelessness and sadness, but then camps out in hope until she remembers she is equipped and empowered. Her Daddy believes in her and so does she!

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today’s reality feels much safer…

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alone…

alone is often how this girl does feel

more than a sense of solitude her loneliness to reveal

the dark corners can be so unkind

attempts to shirk the uneasiness of her mind

the perpetual sounds of silence so deafening to her ear

interrupted by her own subdued voice she does hear

concentrating for a moment to feel her deep breath

count back from one hundred slowly in and out feels like death

why the agonizing torture to stand in her own solitude  

uncomfortable things happened not allowing her to seek gratitude

a daunting task embracing the quiet and peaceful stance

when all this girl wants is to share in the dance

the one called life where love is all that matters

her heart overflowing with such an abundance as it flatters

Lord fill up the empty partitions of this girl’s space

shine down upon her Your mercy and grace

let Him be abundantly clear of all He is deserving

this girl is capable of giving a life worth preserving

to honor and respect Him hold it all so tight

alone she prays not to be for even one more night

 

a burden or a little girl in training…

the best one to bear…

It occurred to this little girl today, after a much deserved, constructive conversation with her Daddy, that a portion of her self discovery was uncovered this morning when she felt how much she dislikes being a burden upon another, especially her DD. As this girl sits reflecting upon the events of the morning that led to this difficult reprimand of words, she is realizing how deep these feelings for lack of trust run for her. 

This girl can sit on her pity pot and blame the arrogant, unavailable step father who made her to feel as a child that she was always in the way. That her existence didn’t matter and even less, her feelings, words, worries or concerns along with any successes, triumphs or victories she accomplished. She could, but what good could come of feeling sorry for herself? It is no wonder that when this little girl who is residing within, whom her Daddy Dom nurtures and embraces, can become irritated and perplexed with this little girl’s certain behaviors?

We are a work in progress in our semi-newly, reestablished dynamic that once upon a time was strictly D/s without “sub”titles. When these instances arise as “issues”, this little girl can become frightened as she once did long ago, that her Daddy will shun her as well. This girl is starting to learn that her Daddy is safe and not to be feared as the evil stepfather was. Daddy truly cares about His little girl and wants to understand her and the why’s for this and that, but the answers don’t come by Him easily, nor do they for this little girl. Confusion can cloud her bad decisions in these crucial moments where the big girl needs to be more present. This can be the most challenging of times. 

Communication is of the utmost importance to Daddy as well it ought to be, for without proper practice and utilization of these imperative skills, He is left with frustration. The results also lead this girl to severe consequences that can be very difficult to receive. Worse than any punishment is Daddy’s being quiet while He processes things which ultimately puts this little girl in a lengthy time out. 

There are so very many parts to living a D/s lifestyle, no matter the “sub”titles within, little girls must contend with so very much, but our Daddy’s have quite the burdens and responsibilities to carry. It is this little girl’s desire to pay closer attention to His and to stop contributing to them, but instead to alleviate the ones she can while refraining from unjustifiably creating new ones. 

This post has become somewhat of a declaration and promise to my Daddy. This little girl will work harder on her communication skills by fearing less, trusting more and understanding that her Daddy is her safety zone. He is the One who lifts her up to be the best girl she can possibly be because He believes in her!

                       Thank You my glorious wonderful Daddy… XO

sisters in submission…

as her tears fall, i feel her sadness from letting Him down

through her humiliation, i feel her shame for failing to succeed

in her sorrow i understand her disappointment within

seeing her punishment upon her skin

i feel her frustration for a lesson she has yet to learn

we stand up to do better and kneel down to prove our commitment

show our honor love and devotion to Him

our hands are empty to show we’ve nothing to hide

we’ve become ready to receive His guidance, His direction, His instruction

our hearts open to reveal how vulnerable we are

our minds are free to receive His words

our bodies His to be owned

submissiveness our most precious gift we offer to Him and Him alone

we are a direct reflection of each other as Daddy and His girl

she is the representative of His creation

He is accredited for her self-confidence

she has exchanged total power control for her trust in Him not to destroy her

she is His foundation of strength while He is her infallible rock

where she may fall short He lifts her up to begin again

His correction is her saving grace to learn and serve Him better

her obedience proves her willingness to Him

He is her Daddy Dominant

she is His little submissive

 

contentment and craving…

Contentment…

  

“a state of happiness and satisfaction”

this little girl has been on a personal quest in search of it most of her life

she has looked high she has looked low

everyday met with discouragement as she came up against strife

the simplicity of her young childhood gone when she closed her eyes

it was time to grow up hurry now life it had managed to get away

tomorrow brought more of the same skeptics and negative lies

is it no wonder she longs for days of Pooh Bear her blankie and sucking her thumb

life can finally be comfortable because it is chosen to be

feeling so safe and protected with my Daddy Sir today

this little girl can sit still knowing it isn’t solely up to me 

though this little girl’s body has changed her inside craving her to feel

a longing for childhood creatures her soothing state sucking her Daddy’s “thumb”

relaxes His girl delivering her to a level of submission only to Him will she kneel

her strength is not in her holding on but rather in completely letting go

releasing all that she once possessed had a tight grip upon

surrender and relinquish giving Him total power and control

Craving… 

 

“a powerful desire for something”