living intentionally…

rejoice…

I am a design made of multiple complexities, minor flaws and major attributes. I don’t come with an instruction manual nor do I possess a large quantity of malfunctioning parts, but I can tell you this; 

life-on-purpose-thin-black-border

revel…

I am lovable beyond belief, irreplaceable to the point of regret, strong in matters of the heart, more loyal than the puppy next door with patience near that of a kitty waiting outside a mouse’s little house, have integrity as the day is long and contain an abundance of love that is never-ending.  

regret…

If suddenly I were a flame that flickered out, destined to become the faint memory that once graced your life, would you gasp in disbelief that my breath is no longer yours to take in, that what is has become what was and everything you ever knew and thought to be has irreversibly changed in an instant for eternity.

remorse…

Panic stricken and riddled with fear, desperately wanting the hands of time to turn back. You clutch for one more chance, a solitary moment, even if only for a second to say those unspoken words, to undo what has been done, to hold tighter to what could have been, to value what always was, to at last understand the meaning of a precious commodity, to create moments that leave memories etched upon your heart over completion of mundane tasks, to have taken the time to discover all the possibilities of what could have been, to know what it feels like to have your spirit remade, to indulge in pure joy and contentment, to receive new mercy with every new-born day, to know what it means to be filled with love, but instead you are now left with how it truly is.

reality…

time stands still as Your heart beats slow

hitting Your knees head sinks low

 guilt rages within eyes overflow 

looking up to the sky sorrow begins to grow

 pain so intense next time You will know…

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in Daddy’s absence He assures His little girl…

It’s only temporary

it isn’t permanent

It’s only six weeks

it isn’t forever

It’s only going away

it isn’t leaving you

It’s only sad feelings

it isn’t a fact

It’s only the truth

it isn’t a lie

It’s only this little girl’s heart

is isn’t going to die

XO lg

the newest me…

How did I get so far behind

Down from the trenches I’ve dug myself out

Sometimes I continue to find myself out of line

Accepting of old shame where a battle may still reside

I have baggage left to unload

Willing to work at it and no longer hide

Keep chipping away my burdens slow to remove

Leaving some wounds and tiny invisible scars

After all they once cut through so much left to prove

I can’t expect the old pain to rush out and come forward

The process is on a continuum basis  

and I am forever moving onward

There is no stopwatch a potion or magic wand

If there were I would wish for one small sip a swift gentle wave

for all that once troubled me surely would be gone

Since time has the only healing power

The virtue of prosperity patience and love  

I must seek from my strong tower

I’ve never managed to escape imperfections or flaws

I wasn’t created as such  

Why then do I tolerate torment it gives me great pause

 Stand back and catch a breath as I ask my heart its true desire 

To always give and receive love

Be honest and true never deceitful or portray a liar

Seek contentment happiness and joy 

Carry it with me let it spill over 

These are the things I can employ

 I know today that I am easy to love 

My barriers are down this heart is receptive

I am being restored from the heavens above

The clock has slowed down giving me such mercy and grace

Memories of old formed my character to be

I’m not who I once was behind this same gentle face 

Look deeper into my eyes the windows to my soul

What you will see if you truly seek to find  

a sparkling new me beginning to glow

singing my own praises…

I am not a full participant in my own life. For as long as I can remember, the definition of me has always been dependent upon you. My happiness derived from your contentment. Often I choose solitude over seeking fulfillment of experiences. Seemingly glad to wait the time for me to decide my fate while life is in session. The parade of opportunity and destiny passes me by. Another task to conquer first then the rewards shall be mine, but that day doesn’t come.

Permission is not granted to take a break and enjoy the moment at hand. Still, there is far to go before a breath can be fully absorbed. Hold tight to the ropes and shackles that bind. Exhaling is a luxury when there’s still so much to accomplish the illusions I create in my mind.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead” I once heard someone say. The memo was lost somewhere along the way; “Life is too short to not take that gamble, that risk or leap of faith”. Still I practice patience, trust what I cannot see and wait in the balance. Others flutter by me some a mere blur. Their arms gesture a, “come join me”, but still I stare. Standing in wonder sometimes at what their lives hold, the treasures and secrets they get to share.

So I continue this journey on the path of straight and narrow. A good girl I’ve only ever known how to be. Scared to do it afraid, quite the conundrum when I think about it. I shrug towards them to the point of an ironic giggle. Someone said to me recently, “I can’t believe you would do this (enormous gesture) for me when you won’t even consider doing it for yourself”. Still learning to honor me.

His statement gave me great pause and I thought, no one has ever asked me to put my life on hold. It has been by my own hand and fear of losing something that I make these choices. If I move too quickly or freely without a care, but with regard to my own thoughts and actions, what will you do? After all that’s only considerate of me, but it’s what I witness in action of you, to thine own self be true.

When may I begin to see that I too deserve to live a life that was intended to be honored, full of love, happiness, comfort, tolerance, compassion and joy, carefree and in this moment content to simply be me. Walk parallel with you even one length aside, joined together in partnership truly taking things in stride, witnessing the miracles as they lay across our path, my hand in yours embracing of this great big world a warm, gentle bath.

Alone is not the purpose of which we were created to be. Things are unimportant in comparison to unity. If I had a magic wand a hypnotic spell to cast over, I’d wash away the burdens and contradictions that loom above and hover. Inside my eager heart often I do pray for clarity and direction. At the same time I toss in, “and God reveal to him as You may, your intention and affection”. Keep making me whole and complimentary to this world as I am meant to be that blessing, the one who touches the souls who are lost and in need.

Alone I came upon this glorious fruitful earth. Divided by the works of some I learned to quietly accept and ingest what was given. Figure out the difficulties a way to overcome. Do what you are told and the battle will be done. Peace shall consume this soul of impurities just as love has redeemed most of my wounds and insecurities.

I shall never give up on myself as challenging as I can become. Rendered a blessing to most a powerful influence of one, the messenger, a vessel with a grand assignment to be done. Remove thyself from your shadow my own light I must exhume, I’ve placed myself in the darkness now I must resume.

Who branded me of such limitation that I was not worthy for more than merely a frustration? I speak reverently of you as my promise and devotion all the while an inside disruption from non-reciprocal emotion. Opposites of attraction deemed such a quality match, tolerance and deep understanding are a kinder to my heart that you are the righteous catch. I have looked deep between the lines and found many triumphs and great pleasure that I truly am that golden harp laden with beauty for you to treasure…