just the thought of You…

Your skin under its fingertips
its body surrendered to Your control
let us please stay right here for just an hour or more
Time to start the day girl He firmly gives a command
sweet moans arise upon its lip
a gentle push one soft whisper yes Sir releasing from His grip
If to simply remain in this luxurious stolen moment
To experience the radiation floating over still lingers in our touch
fill it again with Your fruitful juice
satiated while worshiping You with love and gentle tenderness
Is it possible to actually feel a heart expanding with devotion
seeping from its very soul flooding with emotion
The aroma now penetrating through the heated air
consuming its thoughts wants and desire
begging Him please without saying a word pleading with its flesh on fire
You have taken it places never to have been seen
We started out as a tepid pool of lust
evolving over time into a transformation of trust

                      With every passing day it is left wanting and craving You more                        pleased and honored to be its Master’s submissive little whore

dance with me…

Take me with you on this grand excursion called life
free from distractions that interfere and the awfulness of strife
 
Leave the hesitations and reservations far behind
look ahead to the adventures that together we will find
 
Your hands laid upon this skin so warm
wrapped tightly around protecting it keeping it from harm
 
Go out in a blaze of glory on a journey with love as our only guide
walking in each day with a surmountable measure of joy taking it all in stride
 
Destination unknown arrival times to be revealed not an ounce of defeat
unchartered plans with the wind at our feet
 
Not a worry to come up against as we take this well deserved flight
high on the wings of Eagles we soar deep into the night
 
Reflections show us where we once had been
marked with a stern pillar of grace always to remember when
 
Eyes gazing forward seeking so much more
moving on to bigger and better is what our hearts have in store 
 
Won’t You take me by the collar and lead me along Your side
while i follow You a rope length behind excitedly along for the mystery ride 
 
Cast the fears away they serve no purpose now
leap out to the new ledge of hope faith will show You how
 
You and Your little girl complete the package of peace the truth it lies within
from here on out building on respect honor and love our new life shall begin

demure on the outside…

Your silent instruction with one firm motion as Your finger points to the ground, “Here slave”.  Obedient to Your command a tingling washes over knowing, or at least hoping, what was about to happen as excitement courses through to its very core 

With its cheek to the floor eyes gently closed shut assuming its position, it feels a soft caress upon its skin. This belongs to Me, doesn’t it? Yes Sir. it was made for Me, wasn’t it? Yes Sir, only You. Good girl

A quietness fills the room it can barely hear the soft sounds of jazz carried out from The Master’s office now. So focused on His sensual touch while He runs a sole finger teasingly within His wetness, pleasingly tugging at His hardware as it dreams of what’s coming next

it begins to fantasize of the new mods to come and as its mind drifts, suddenly it’s brought back to the moment with the subtle sounds of Masters clothing being shed
Suddenly the warmth of His skin is around its backside, He pulls on His toy that He placed inside hours before, removing it now for His intended pleasure
it can hardly contain itself  with its body begging to be taken. Barely above a whisper, “it loves to be fucked by You Master”
Both exhausted from the encounters of the previous night, no more words were spoken only the exciting rumblings of sheer delight in anticipation
Heat penetrating more from merely the wood stove knowing His property impeccably well, Master strategically placing His tshirt underneath it to catch the warm juices He was about to extract
“This is not giving you permission little girl” 
“no Sir, but The Master is in complete control over it”
In a beautifully orchestrated rhythm, seductive moans now are only to be heard with each deep thrust taking every inch that belongs solely and completely to Him
With its eyes barely open and body filled with fire,
the satisfied sounds invade its ears as a smile emerges from its lips
Serving its Master is what it is designed for while pleasing Him to His very soul 
A sexy content groan bellows out from the bottom of His belly with a final sigh of release and one last intensive force. The display of tension graciously easing its once firm grip, allowing lightness  in that will at last let Him fall into a wondrous slumber of peace tonight
Thank You for injecting Your delicious gift so deeply once again Sir. 
Sweet dreams Master. submissively and obediently Yours for always in all ways.
it loves You beyond words and cherishes You above this world

self abandonment…

Did i even know this concept existed? Not until one day it was pointed out as my current state of abuse. Question… Why did i constantly feel so neglected, left out, left behind and forgotten? Answer… for self awareness sake, because i allowed it.

i had grown up more than feeling this enormous amount of depletion from others, but hadn’t a clue why until my behaviors reflected the broken, walking-wounded soul within. The scars keep reminding me of the battles i have faced while the wounds resurface with every lasting trace, but i need… someone

As a child i had no control over my own circumstances, nor did i add to the fault by simply being that good little girl, quiet and invisible. What did abandonment look like or worse, feel like? For me it looked like a scared, pathetic little person chasing after love, but never catching up to it. To not feel like i had any sense of belonging or inclusion of those who were supposed to love me unconditionally, devastation, solitude, isolation and shame, but i need… someone

How does this coincide with ditching myself? It goes hand in empty hand. i was taught to not call attention to my needs, no matter how loud my heart was screaming out. Ignore the emotional inner rampage building up inside and i can get through another agonizing day and lonely night. This is what all youngsters must go through and feel like, right? It must be, but i need… someone

Sure i’ll marry you and have three wonderful sons. At least then the pain of lonliness and abandonment will subside and i will finally have a purpose for my existence. Be the best mom and shower them with all the attention i never received or was worthy of. They deserve it, afterall, they need… me

Why am i angry all the time? i began to wonder, but couldn’t stop the rage. He is gone more than he is home. Drunk again. Leaving me alone. i recognize this. i know what to do, chase him. Prove to him i am worthy of his glory, his time, his presence, his love. Ah screw it, he is a lost cause. Focus on those three amazing sons. i won’t have to chase them down. Besides, they won’t run very far, they need… me

Alone, lost and frightened once again. What do i do? What should i do? Am i better off to accept what comes my way and swallow it whole to avoid the dreary pains of being left? This anger won’t leave me alone, that i can depend on. Enough was enough i decided one final day. It was within the midst of some toxic time with my confidant, that i gained the courage and strength to tell that man to leave. Sooo, it took an additional ten years of abuse and neglect, infidelity and lies, but i took the plunge. For the first time i realized, i need… me

i was immensely discontent and abandoned by all those who claimed to love me that it became normal to me. i learned from the best teachers how to pretend to live without my basic needs met. Oh i knew what i was missing because there was no greater hurt than to be by myself and wonder if anyone would ever truly love me just for me. One day i found a special place, a gathering of humans, other walking woundeds who graciously accepted me and all my brokenness, battle scars and all. They taught me self love, gave me a sense of self worth and offered me hope beyond my wildest imagination. They introduced me to a loving God who patiently waited at my heart’s door for me to open it and let Him in. Could it be? Is it possible that He needs… me? Because i came to believe, that i need… Him

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Confounded once more, did i do it to myself yet again? Unlearned lessons are destined to repeat themselves. Could this be why i feel like i’m on that familiar life raft, a lost little soul floating aimlessly at sea? i write these jumbled up thoughts to sort my wrong thinking out and to remember;

Evil thoughts always come back and will haunt me for life, “stop leaving me alone!” So i am beginning to manage them rather than the other way around. i am strengthened in You and i can do anything through You. i need… You 

i am worthy of love, honest, warm and true. i deserve time, attention and affection, not just for a moment or two, given to me freely not because i ask but simply because i am sacred not some fruitless task

i know in my heart that i sincerely need you, but i am learning that i need me too…    

 

Come what may…

When there are no words left to speak the candle’s wick begins to sputter

Sudden darkness fills the air with just the moonlight illuminating through a crack

The only sound to be heard are slow paced rotations of one taking the inhalations of the others exhalations  

Enmeshed they are not but rather 2 souls to compliment, bodies intertwined with hearts of desire to keep both wanting

One grows weary from exhaustion of a worrisome existence

The other wrestling and torn determined to hold up a  firm structured frame 

Fear traps the feet unable to thrust forward

Stuck in their familiar place destination unknown but constantly moving

Unload the baggage that weighs down the progress

Let the natural evolving course of events simply fall into position

Pack up the gloves lay to rest the left over residue of doubt

Be amazed by what is being revealed stand in awe trust what is real

Hold fast to what has been laid at Your feet

Love solely with a pure and gentle heart

 

Receive it and believe it let go and let flow…