its ok to not be ok…

hidden behind the facade where the walls have been erected with mortar made from mud

the little child terrified from the fractured heart bound by fishing line and chicken rings

wounds too deep when unkind words activate are torn open wide exposed for all to see

how often played are messages of old embedded in the brain heard in hope of hearing a different tune

don’t invade personal space and catch a glimpse of the vulnerability and transperency

access denied to enter the gates of self protection

the guards wearing suits of armor ruthlessly portray indignant self reliance

puffed up to a world as the illusive island upon which to stand is safer than risk of possibility 

open the window just a crack  and take a peek 

allow the shell that remains the chance to be mended and filled once again

a celebration awaits with a resounding boastful hooray

the time is now to embrace the abundance with eyes open wide

declare the deserving of goodness trust the promise of deliverance and faithfulness of retention

let go the broken pieces for they shattered credibility while decieving what’s honorable inside

be free from shackled wrong beliefs knowing love covers all including places that attempt to hide

 

 

 

submissively struggling though obedience is abound…

Actively participating in a submissive’s own life, apart from and separate to that of its Master/Dominant/Owner. Is this even possible or desirable? Because it is absolutely necessary for us to grow. 

How long have i secretly been imposing, possibly unknowingly and complacently hiding behind The Master’s needs while placing my own responsibilities aside in order to fulfill His completely and efficiently? Did He ask or expect me to in this manner of unmitigated self sacrifice? On the contrary, He expects nothing less than perfectibility on my part for the areas that enrich and help me grow towards self sufficiency, but at the same time to make His life easier in doing so. Otherwise, i am nothing more than a doormat dormant little leach waiting for everyone else, especially The Master, to handle decisions and completely oversee to the entirety of my life. Perhaps this is protocol in other D/s, D/lg, D/bg or M/s relationships, but not ours. It is a requirement that this lg/bg/s/s (yes, we have an established variety that works well for us) attends to the nature of seeing to it that independently, i can thrive. 
Today is a day of which struggle has been a continuous measure between my fear and faith. Within the discomfort, i find strength because i know as i fumble along and take initiative, i will find the direction of my personal purpose. Whereas,
if i wait stagnant with merely good intentions, ultimately i will suffer. 
True to all healthy arrangements in a partnership of any calling, neither respect nor adoration can be obtained let alone be sustained in the absence of self love and sufficiency to some degree, one would assume. 
So again, i remind myself to; 1. ask the question 2. receive the truth 3. remove the fear
Why have i been complacent?
Because i’ve wanted to be completely available to The Master’s disposal for His every need in the moment of His orders.
Is this our arrangement?
Yes Sir of course, but not at the expense of self sabotage or failure.
Are you being successful within our established agreement?
Yes Sir, so it is i that needs to look at my own actions and fears.
Thank You Master for understanding with a gracious, loving heart.
There it is, the truth beyond measure. Activate my faith with fire in my belly. Balance will come when the process is trusted for my higher good. Believe that i am worthy to receive and all things will fall naturally in to its divine place and order. 
and this is why…