lskg’s checklist…

Did I give 100% of me?

 

Did I make You feel needed?
Did I make You feel wanted?
Did I make You feel desired?
Did I make You feel like You were the only Man in the world?
Did I praise You often?
Did I affirm You always?
Did I make You feel special?
Did I make You feel proud?
Did I make You feel loved?
Did I make You smile?
Did I make You laugh?
Did I make You happy?
Did I put You first before everyone and everything?
Did I show You the ultimate respect always in all ways?
Did I obey Your every word?
Did I honor Your every decision?
Did I protect Your reputation?
Did I live by Your expectations?
Did I give myself to You completely?
Did I give You total control?
Did I submit to You fully?
Did I portray myself as Your prized possession?
Did I allow You to invade my mind, heart, body and soul?
Did I display myself as a direct reflection upon You?
Did I affirm You in everything you did?
Did I stand in awe of You?
Did I worship You and Your body?
Did I take Your constructive criticism for my betterment?
Did I make mistakes?
Did I take corrections and discipline with grace?
Did I welcome Your trainings?
Did I eagerly await Your instructions?
Did I always ask permission?
Did I listen intently to You?
Did I hear Your words?
Did I follow instructions well?
Did I follow all Your protocols?
Did I respect our rituals?
Did I behave appropriately most all of the time?
Did I live intentionally for You?
Did I follow close behind You?
Did I do everything possible for You?
Did I anticipate Your needs?
Did I excitedly cook for and wait upon You?
Did I take the best care of You?
Did I disclose all to You?
Did I bear my soul to You?
Did I make Your life better?
Did I make life more enriched?
Did I make life easier?
Did I encourage You?
Did I support You and Your ways?
Did I fulfill Your every desire?
Did I participate in every way?
Did I fulfill Your every kink?
Did I satisfy You?
Did I please You?
Did I serve only You?
Did I bare this body to You only?
Did I trust You completely?
 

Do I love you unconditionally?

yes……….

secret thoughts kept in the doubting mind of His lsgk…

Maybe it’s all in her head
she wonders if He thinks she doesn’t know
she remains quietly praying over the one thing she does dread
instinct is a peculiar feeling
very seldom wrong
she has learned to listen intently to it
not push aside or place on ignore
this powerful message is what keeps her strong
she carries on acting as if wanting this life to be real
her best effort put forward to honor serve and please
her heart body mind and soul invested, excited just to feel
in her past she ignored the truth a safer place to hide
deny what was right in front of her 
not face the gut wrenching realities that hurt too much inside 
smile through the days
in the night He is right there
what really ventures through our minds 
enjoy this moment in time knowing how much we share 
being this girl in her deep level of submission is beautiful yet makes her very tired 
He reminds her often this is no easy task 
a consensual agreement to this lifestyle of which we both are wired  
so much to learn as her training continues she steadily grows 
not wanting to have insecurities be content in His loving arms
His property needs to feel safe under His control this He surely knows
one thing is certain this girl recognizes her value worth and gift capable to rise above 
understanding all this entails as she offers herself to Him daily wanting just to trust
in return she desires to receive His security protection and love 
the day washes over them our small town fun we did partake 
laughing and drinking talking and playing 
a beautiful day please never let me be awake 
 tears streamed slowly down as they walked through the door leaving a black stained face 
The Master slowly drifts off to His slumber while His slave nuzzles close in His warm embrace
the liquid truth serum revealing with His whispering voice in her ear~ 
“Your Master cherishes His slave you know, that is why I chose you and I show much I care”…
 

I grew up (started to) when I learned to it different…

This is how it will start, my notes, my story, my life. God is amazing. He always does for me what I usually can never do for myself. Either because I am afraid and I don’t trust the process, or I simply lack the strength to do the right thing. I don’t have to like it, but as long as I accept it, I can get to the other side a little quicker, one moment, one hour, one day at a time. He reminds me I am never alone as long as I walk with Him…

I’m getting a little bit stronger…

 my saving grace song no matter how much love lingers in my heart for you

this is how i process, so deal with it…

heart-in-cage-Wallpaper

My heart has been buried alive

not once or twice but more than I care to admit

Back then I impetuously accused you for all things that went wrong 

As you watched me bleed because you would not commit

One after another my pattern unclear 

Is something offensively wrong with me

Yet I needed to draw you near

For a lifetime now I owned the words

accepted all the shame

Lies, deceit and opposition 

Pick your poison as it manifests it’s how we play the game 

 Which one is sicker in the end who stands tall

I stay to the death committed and strong 

Or perhaps it’s defeat as I begin to fall

A martyr once was the role I  wore best

Till one day victory won over 

Putting me to the test

How far can she bend till she breaks inside

Twisted like an old oak 

But more like a palm tree holding its pride

Brush it off this current layer of sludge 

Never mind what they’ve all told you

Only bitterness holds a grudge

Your spirit is within a bright and mighty soul

They never mean to harm and scathe

it’s just who they are 

It’s up to you to relinquish all the illusion of control

I am more than enough this lady worth having solely 

You will never convince me otherwise

Because I will always love you wholly 

I’m reminded who I am each time the sun sets low

A wonderful package full and complete 

A display of wonders to be lifted up never held below

A treasured one to behold, loved, honored and cherished

It’s not your fault you couldn’t see my value for all its worth

So hold your head low and watch as we parish 

It came to this as it typically does the inferno shoots the flame 

I have it all… heart, body, mind and soul

There is only you to blame 

Sleep well my little time bomb… 

Time-Bomb-Fuse-Ignite-Explosion-2 (1)

if loving is a crime, then convict me…

rainbow

Forever in awe of a rainbow painted in the sky
Hope is what I’m after, longing to be free
Wishing on three white horses grazing in the grass
That love is out there waiting, someday it will find me

It does exist, I see it all around
In my child like ways loving with my whole heart
Unconditional and true, faithful and pure
Never understanding another who can tear it all apart

To play laugh and sing from the highest mountain top
Wondering how it would feel to be happy joyous and free
Just to be held when things are frightening
Yet always know it is safe just to be

Look into these innocent eyes tell me I am safe
Words are just that, hastily spoken destined to deceive
Why then this heart, so trusting and wide open
Despite of it all, it is desperate to believe

The chasing of his love just to feel worthy
Memories of anguish go as far back as seven
Daddy don’t leave me the pattern soon began
Fifteen years later mom would go to heaven

These insides weren’t just shredded but now have become empty
Depleted of love alone to figure it out and take that solo stand
Caring so deeply only meant you too would leave
So I grasp a bit tighter as it sifts through my hand

A heart forever on the mend
That same little girl in school
Playing follow the leader, led by whomever knew the way
Ending up lost again feeling like the fool

How broken I must be to accept the crumbs you offer
Deprivation reigns over while self worth is tattered
Why do I continue to hope and dream
My spirit once more is shattered

Messaged delivered, this time driven home hard
Everything is gone, I cringe in dismay
The power exchanged was destroyed in a flash
With one final shove you pushed me away

My rough edges have been softened
This girl somehow prevails though scared and all alone
Scarred and broken, wounded and raw
She has to figure out again how to make it on her own

the-girl-who-circumnavigated-the-world-in-a-dream-of-her-own-making-paul-bond

He already knew and has forgiven you…

on his knees he began to pray, undo my heart,

I surrender my soul for only You can make me whole

Lord, Your plan is in Order, my free will running wild, temptations of the flesh feeling every stinging repercussion, Yours is not to prevent, but to protect when I cry out, as You wait by my side on this wondrous sometimes treacherous ride~

…but in the end there was nothing left to salvage as the covers were pulled back, the light shined down, more truth painfully revealed, a horrific course of action severely induced, fear injected not easily to recover from, condemned by irreversible damage, the power freely given, inevitably destroyed the trust…

yet somehow, in the depths of her despair, within the throes of hopelessness

she still prays…

“Father God, in his heart he leaves not an ounce of space for You to breathe into him. For in his eyes he cannot see beyond his own plank. In his soul the amount of self righteousness pushes the holy spirit away. Lord I pray Your healing powers over him, Your presence revealed, Your faithfulness undying, Your promises he can stand high upon, Your unfailing love, no matter the cost, no matter the wounds, no matter the battle, no matter the scars, the damage, or sin, You are constant. He knows not how to cry out and reach for Your hand, that You are waiting patiently for his cooperation. Father, pay no mind to his fleeting ways, the discomfort of a nonbeliever, for he lacks in faith for the Holy One. Edging God Out (EGO) blinds him Lord, because without You, he will stay lost. I pray these things unto You oh Lord in the name of Your son, Amen.”

Acts 3:19 “Repent then and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out,

that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” 

positive self talk, “girl…”

 More-Revealed-e1391016372595

trust the unseen

you think that you know

the blinders came off

to expose the awful show

a fool in your own eyes

in your heart a disaster

your mind played tricks

while you tried to run faster

away from the reality

look in the mirror

what do you see

nowhere to hide

this time I chose me

hold tight to your heart

regain your dignity

no regrets or remorse

celebrate your victory

you’ve always had a choice

how quickly you get lost

led down the dark and narrow

possessed and then tossed

out of the ashes beauty remains

you’ve experienced more pain than a lifetime should hold

the healing is coming as you draw Him close to you

always remember you have a heart made of gold

what DO you want? …

The eternal question arises again and again, what does one want in this life

to give thanks for the blessings and accept them as they come

or keep our focus on discarding the elements of strife

a sheild of armor that wall of protection

let nothing in that could possibly hurt

cause frustration pain or rejection

some more broken than others in need of repair

hold their heart and dry the tears

show them that you do care

the purpose in this life or so i have found

is to give and receive love nothing else truly matters

hear the words barely a whisper yet mighty and profound

simply spoken and true 

three soothing words uttered from my lips

I LOVE YOU…

secrets thoughts kept in the doubting mind of His lsgk…

Maybe it’s all in her head
she wonders if He thinks she doesn’t know
she remains quietly praying over the one thing she does dread
instinct is a peculiar feeling very seldom wrong
she has learned to listen intently to it
not push aside or place on ignore
this powerful message is what keeps her strong
she carries on acting as if wanting this life to be real
her best effort put forward to honor serve and please
her heart body mind and soul invested, excited just to feel
in her past she ignored the truth a safer place to hide
deny what was right in front of her 
not face the gut wrenching realities that hurt too much inside 
smile through the days in the night He is right there
what really ventures through our minds 
enjoy this moment in time knowing how much we share 
being this girl in her deep level of submission is beautiful yet makes her very tired 
He reminds her often this is no easy task 
a consensual agreement to this lifestyle of which we both are wired  
so much to learn as her training continues she steadily grows 
not wanting to have insecurities be content in His loving arms
His property needs to feel safe under His control this He surely knows
one thing is certain this girl recognizes her value worth and gift capable to rise above 
understanding all this entails as she offers herself to Him daily wanting just to trust
in return she desires to receive His security protection and love 
the day washes over them our small town fun we did partake 
laughing and drinking talking and playing 
a beautiful day please never let me be awake 
 tears streamed slowly down as they walked through the door leaving a black stained face 
The Master slowly drifts off to His slumber while His slave nuzzles close in His warm embrace
the liquid truth serum revealing with His whispering voice in her ear~ 
“Your Master cherishes His slave you know, that is why I chose you and I show much I care”…