the goal is to seek forgiveness and gain freedom…

let me go

Truth; the quality or state of being true

I wear my truths on my sleeve. Out of my heart they simply flow. From my lips they depart with ease. The simplicity of this easily, definable word can be astounding to some people. I can never understand why that is.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything”. Mark Twain

Bitter; angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment

There comes a point in life when the stumbling blocks become treacherous to navigate around and discover that maybe it is time to redefine the situation, to see it for what it really is.

“Without our noticing, (it) eats away at our souls, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives”.                                    Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Forgiveness; the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven

No longer do I want to judge, condemn and convict the actions of another. The prisoner that it really frees is me.

“If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him”.   2 Corinthians 2:5-8 NIV

Acceptance; the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered

Never do I have to like what I choose to accept, but God has granted me the serenity, courage and wisdom to know the difference of that which I cannot change.

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”  CS Lewis

strong enough

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my heart please be changed…

So I wasn’t everything you ever wanted or solely who you needed, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t enough, nor worthy of all I deserved and needed.

self bondage

Somewhere along the way that was the message received. I pushed harder to fit inside the illusion of who you wanted me to be. I was continually met with resistance and couldn’t understand why. Story of my life darlin’; “if I only do more, be more, try more, I will succeed in performing right for you and then be accepted and loved”. All of which are contradictory to everything I have worked so hard to escape from these past 11 years. 

I am praying to be finished with dwelling in the pain and defeat. I ask God to lift these feelings of discouragement and remove them. I know who I am and I know Whose I am.. The systems of my life I have operated in, have been a small series of men all of whom I endured verbal abuse from. 

The way it has been is not the way it has to stay. God did not make me faulty and He will not participate in a path of self-destruction. He has nothing but grand intentions for me. When will I pay attention and be obedient solely to Him? It is time to stop allowing the enemy opportunities to create spiritual warfare on my soul. He is crafty, that one and works his evil ways on the insides of others, but my God is bigger!

Contentment is what I strive for today. Without it I will continually seek fulfillment from outside sources, ensuring the bondage of self.    

3rd step prayer

The Lord continues to reveal more brokenness of you my love, my former Sir, because that’s what I needed to have a better understanding to our finality. Wreckage that has wreaked havoc on someone should never be an excuse for bad behavior, only a reason. 

We are always appointed to be accountable and responsible for our actions. Coming to terms with that is how I escape blame and shame. Acceptance shows up, relieving pain and anger from their positions and being replaced by compassion and forgiveness on the other side.

I am not where I once was, but I am not yet where I am going. If I were, this would be the end of my journey and my final goodbye. No, I will rise up and shine once again, just like before.

My heart may be pierced, tear stains on my cheeks, new scars that will be there to remind me, but my value is intact. It can no more be lessened than it can be increased or determined by another. No one is that powerful.  

psalm 5 6-8