This month I celebrate ten years of emotional sobriety. A triumph I had never allowed myself to dream of. It’s because of my struggles that I began to grow up when I finally learned to do it differently.
Birthdays come and birthdays go, it’s the memories that are created in the accompaniment as they arrive. When I was little my birthday meant presents, best friends, cake and more presents. Why was that the highlight of this one day of the year? My mom made every birthday special because it reminded her how much she loved me on the day I was born. Wow, at 19 as she was, for a young lady to be able to give that much to a tiny little person is amazing. I never once didn’t think or feel that my mom didn’t love me.
Tomorrow is Captain’s birthday, a big one in his eyes. I tell him he is ## years young, sexier than ever and a beautiful sight to see. Last year at this time he was walking through some painful stuff and that memory is somewhat overlapping into this year. Try as I may to distract him and create new wonderful memories for him, he said, “next year will be better”. While I respect that and give him what he needs, I will carry on, act as if and celebrate as best I know how to make him feel like the most special man in the universe. After all, he is to me.
A month or so back, he was making yet another fabulous dinner and he casually mentioned something he’d like in the kitchen. I took a mental note and it arrived in the mail the other day. Then a few weeks ago, he shared an old photo that he had intended to frame for years now. In a competitive man’s world, such as he lives in, this photo is the equivalence to a girl in her wedding gown. Another mental note and sneaking it out of the house, it is now professionally and beautifully framed. Both stashed in the house awaiting the perfect moment to reveal the wrapped gifts for him to unveil.
I finally understand the receiving truly is in the giving as the anticipation mounts. I cannot wait to see his handsome face when I present him with his gifts that I am taking such pride in with my originality. I shared what I did with a friend and the reaction was, how awesome that I really listened and acted on what will mean so much to him.
A birthday is supposed to be so special because it is the day you graced the world and blessed your parents by simply being born. It saddens me for those who would just as soon let it be merely another day because they didn’t have the mom I did.