be in a commitment or be committed…

thinker

Deep in thought about respect, love, honor, loyalty and submission. All of which I have and willingly give to my Sir. The question arises now, do I have these coming back to me. I cannot definitively say anymore as new light is shed upon circumstances beyond my comprehension to hold. Discretion is not a fine tuned practice for anyone and I am not immune to it. So now I ask myself, if I am not being exclusively committed to, should I be committed? This gives me pause, reason to ponder and reevaluate my own boundaries.

I have grown in my love for my Sir. Given full submission to Him and gratefully surrender my mind, body and soul to Him. Upon meeting this beautiful soul just shy of three years ago, I was determined not to let Him near my heart, let alone my body. Sir was (and still is) easy on the eye. Our ability to carry on an easy flowing conversation was very attractive to me. His emotional maturity refreshing along with His natural way of leading. It was only a matter of months before I was in. One morning out to breakfast together, after a guise of seeing His new mantel and wood stove, before I knew it, Sir “took what was His” and has ever since.

Although we were both very vanilla back then, not having the pleasure of voicing our desires in either of our past lives, we slowly began to discover deeper sensual things about the other.  Even then, the submission had begun for me as He was learning to exercise the true Man that resided within and I the sub wanting to explode and surrender to Him.

It wasn’t until earlier this year that Sir introduced a new lifestyle, one toy, one erotic scene, one conversation at a time. At last our kinks, fetishes, mutual desires began to be revealed. Exploration of the other introduced an entire new form of this flourishing relationship we now refer to as D/s.

So I am in conflict with myself, my feelings and mostly my own boundaries of what I am willing to participate in. As a beautiful, willing, young enough sub who strives hard and succeeds most of the time to please her Sir, I am praying for the courage to share my truth, speak from my heart and say out loud to my Sir what He already knows. The fact that I not only need exclusiveness I have to feel secure in this wish that He is capable of honoring it. In order for me to continue our journey together along this path that He paves the way for, I must use my voice.

The struggle remains because the outcome is unknown. What I do know is I have but this one life and I no longer intend to live it in wonder and confusion. I allowed myself to remain in an unhealthy marriage ten years longer than I ought to have when it was clearly sentenced to death long before. Sir had a very similar experience and close to the same length of dreaded time. In actuality, this is the first working, healthy relationship either of us has ever encountered because we are both working on our own “stuff”. We have taken risks in each other, invested more than I ever thought possible. Each worthy of the other. This is in no way to have the feel of or give a sense of an ultimatum. I would never disrespect my Sir in that way. It is the fact merely suggesting that I am aware I must be true to me. He wouldn’t want me any other way.

I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, nor is perfection something I aspire to, but rather living up to the very best of my capabilities is my goal. Sir pushes me hard to achieve these and He sees the positive outcome in the results. He reminds me that it makes Him happy and it pleases Him very much . In turn, those compliments encourage me to work harder whether it be for my career, my body or simply life. The rewards are endless. His care and compassion ignite my soul.

Together we make complete sense.

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Sir is everything I never knew I always wanted…

“Can a Christian be in a D/s relationship?”…

God's love

Personally I cannot help but wonder, why is this a controversial matter when it is a personal direction and yes, a choice, in a true D/s relationship?

If I discuss this openly in a debate forum, it may indicate I honestly care of other people’s opinions. The reality is, the choice belongs solely to my Sir. In actuality, what other people may ultimately judge, that is none of my business. Opinions are not facts, nor are they feelings. Both of which will pass like the wind and change with the times. I do however, applaud those who challenge my thinking and manage to change my mind on other matters of the heart or intellectually. These are opportunities that remind me, I am a human being with an open mind, who allows others to live and let live.

I hadn’t planned on addressing the topic between Christianity and a D/s relationship, but somehow I felt compelled to do so. As I read a few more blogs, I was thrilled when I ran across one posted on “For the love of a Submissive”, a blog that puts D/s relationships in perspective very eloquently for me.

“Dominants are not great because of their technique, but because of their passion, honor and integrity. Submissives are not great because of their obedience, but because of their love, trust and devotion“. “Dominance is an act of setting someone free, and submission is an act of willfully devoting oneself to another”.

The fact that I am in charge of my own blog, I get to share what is on my heart. Because of my Sir showing me the way and wanting the most for me, I will share my thoughts, perhaps masqueraded as an opinion. 😉

I have come to realize, upon my departure of my closest circle of friends, those women’s opinions are projections formed from their own uncomfortable feelings of my choices. This is their polite way of wrapping up judgement in a pretty little package and presenting it in a caring way.

I consider myself to be a Christian lady, a follower of Christ in a way that is conducive to me. God showed me my ways in which I was wrong and allows me to be perfectly myself in His eyes. I have been transformed into a liking that has softened my heart and gentled my soul. He has shown me of my great worth, value and love that I offer. He brought forth His Great Offering (Sir) to which I was able to receive graciously. Only through His eyes, can I see the way in which He chooses to truly bless me.

pearl

Through my walk along this path, He brightened my way. The doors that were shackled and the prisoner behind, was finally set free. In the bondage of pain I chose to hide, suffering alone I chose not to let anyone in. To my Sir, I am grateful, He saw through the charade of terror. My hesitation to surrender to His Glory and Goodness. Our friendship we did cultivate and from the ashes, beauty did remain and flourish.

At times we walked separately, when the past still haunted and shredded our hearts. Together the universe created a force that did not keep us apart. The road was long and is still not without bumps, obstacles and trials, but come to fruition it did. Cultivation is a daily process which brings such honor and respect.

Sir and I have discovered some beautiful, deep-rooted seeds within the other. The me that had been longing to be found, who willingly submits with honor, loyalty, love and devotion. Within Sir resided the true man with Dominance and Power that He exudes with passion, honor, integrity and grace. His words, when spoken, are with a strong voice that rarely needs to make a sound for him to be heard.

I trust that I have formed my opinionated thoughts on the original topic that provoked my mind and questioned my own beliefs of Christianity. I do think as a human, whom is made of flesh, my beliefs are not compromised because of our D/s relationship. We are not fulfilling a job here, but rather a way of life. Conceding to one another in such a way that we both are loved and cared for. I feel very blessed to have been led to Sir as He was to me.

I do not question the Ultimate Authority, nor the Offering He has bestowed upon us. I am reminded daily, I have but twenty-four little hours in a day in which to live and that is exactly what I intend to do. Sir blesses me in ways with many precious moments. I continue to string them together as I look up daily and give praise.

submissiveness