submissively struggling though obedience is abound…

Actively participating in a submissive’s own life, apart from and separate to that of its Master/Dominant/Owner. Is this even possible or desirable? Because it is absolutely necessary for us to grow. 

How long have i secretly been imposing, possibly unknowingly and complacently hiding behind The Master’s needs while placing my own responsibilities aside in order to fulfill His completely and efficiently? Did He ask or expect me to in this manner of unmitigated self sacrifice? On the contrary, He expects nothing less than perfectibility on my part for the areas that enrich and help me grow towards self sufficiency, but at the same time to make His life easier in doing so. Otherwise, i am nothing more than a doormat dormant little leach waiting for everyone else, especially The Master, to handle decisions and completely oversee to the entirety of my life. Perhaps this is protocol in other D/s, D/lg, D/bg or M/s relationships, but not ours. It is a requirement that this lg/bg/s/s (yes, we have an established variety that works well for us) attends to the nature of seeing to it that independently, i can thrive. 
Today is a day of which struggle has been a continuous measure between my fear and faith. Within the discomfort, i find strength because i know as i fumble along and take initiative, i will find the direction of my personal purpose. Whereas,
if i wait stagnant with merely good intentions, ultimately i will suffer. 
True to all healthy arrangements in a partnership of any calling, neither respect nor adoration can be obtained let alone be sustained in the absence of self love and sufficiency to some degree, one would assume. 
So again, i remind myself to; 1. ask the question 2. receive the truth 3. remove the fear
Why have i been complacent?
Because i’ve wanted to be completely available to The Master’s disposal for His every need in the moment of His orders.
Is this our arrangement?
Yes Sir of course, but not at the expense of self sabotage or failure.
Are you being successful within our established agreement?
Yes Sir, so it is i that needs to look at my own actions and fears.
Thank You Master for understanding with a gracious, loving heart.
There it is, the truth beyond measure. Activate my faith with fire in my belly. Balance will come when the process is trusted for my higher good. Believe that i am worthy to receive and all things will fall naturally in to its divine place and order. 
and this is why…

lskg’s checklist…

Did I give 100% of me?

 

Did I make You feel needed?
Did I make You feel wanted?
Did I make You feel desired?
Did I make You feel like You were the only Man in the world?
Did I praise You often?
Did I affirm You always?
Did I make You feel special?
Did I make You feel proud?
Did I make You feel loved?
Did I make You smile?
Did I make You laugh?
Did I make You happy?
Did I put You first before everyone and everything?
Did I show You the ultimate respect always in all ways?
Did I obey Your every word?
Did I honor Your every decision?
Did I protect Your reputation?
Did I live by Your expectations?
Did I give myself to You completely?
Did I give You total control?
Did I submit to You fully?
Did I portray myself as Your prized possession?
Did I allow You to invade my mind, heart, body and soul?
Did I display myself as a direct reflection upon You?
Did I affirm You in everything you did?
Did I stand in awe of You?
Did I worship You and Your body?
Did I take Your constructive criticism for my betterment?
Did I make mistakes?
Did I take corrections and discipline with grace?
Did I welcome Your trainings?
Did I eagerly await Your instructions?
Did I always ask permission?
Did I listen intently to You?
Did I hear Your words?
Did I follow instructions well?
Did I follow all Your protocols?
Did I respect our rituals?
Did I behave appropriately most all of the time?
Did I live intentionally for You?
Did I follow close behind You?
Did I do everything possible for You?
Did I anticipate Your needs?
Did I excitedly cook for and wait upon You?
Did I take the best care of You?
Did I disclose all to You?
Did I bear my soul to You?
Did I make Your life better?
Did I make life more enriched?
Did I make life easier?
Did I encourage You?
Did I support You and Your ways?
Did I fulfill Your every desire?
Did I participate in every way?
Did I fulfill Your every kink?
Did I satisfy You?
Did I please You?
Did I serve only You?
Did I bare this body to You only?
Did I trust You completely?
 

Do I love you unconditionally?

yes……….

secrets thoughts kept in the doubting mind of His lsgk…

Maybe it’s all in her head
she wonders if He thinks she doesn’t know
she remains quietly praying over the one thing she does dread
instinct is a peculiar feeling very seldom wrong
she has learned to listen intently to it
not push aside or place on ignore
this powerful message is what keeps her strong
she carries on acting as if wanting this life to be real
her best effort put forward to honor serve and please
her heart body mind and soul invested, excited just to feel
in her past she ignored the truth a safer place to hide
deny what was right in front of her 
not face the gut wrenching realities that hurt too much inside 
smile through the days in the night He is right there
what really ventures through our minds 
enjoy this moment in time knowing how much we share 
being this girl in her deep level of submission is beautiful yet makes her very tired 
He reminds her often this is no easy task 
a consensual agreement to this lifestyle of which we both are wired  
so much to learn as her training continues she steadily grows 
not wanting to have insecurities be content in His loving arms
His property needs to feel safe under His control this He surely knows
one thing is certain this girl recognizes her value worth and gift capable to rise above 
understanding all this entails as she offers herself to Him daily wanting just to trust
in return she desires to receive His security protection and love 
the day washes over them our small town fun we did partake 
laughing and drinking talking and playing 
a beautiful day please never let me be awake 
 tears streamed slowly down as they walked through the door leaving a black stained face 
The Master slowly drifts off to His slumber while His slave nuzzles close in His warm embrace
the liquid truth serum revealing with His whispering voice in her ear~ 
“Your Master cherishes His slave you know, that is why I chose you and I show much I care”…
 
 

structure and consistency…

no matter where You are no matter how far

Your instructions are clear even when You aren’t near

this girl’s new bedtime to abide by every night

You have good reason for turning out the light

You taught me how to count the pictures in my mind

as I drift off to dreamland pleasant dreams I soon would find

grateful You care enough to take the time I need

without You it’s easy to get lost not following Your lead

Daddy knows…

feed me and You will see me grow

water me and You will see me shine

give me light and You will see me glow

lift me up and You will see me free

plant me and You will see me stand tall

teach me and You will see me be all there is to be

talk to me and You will see me abound

praise me and You will see me bloom

love me and You will see me firmly on the ground

prosperity-tips-300x220

a burden or a little girl in training…

the best one to bear…

It occurred to this little girl today, after a much deserved, constructive conversation with her Daddy, that a portion of her self discovery was uncovered this morning when she felt how much she dislikes being a burden upon another, especially her DD. As this girl sits reflecting upon the events of the morning that led to this difficult reprimand of words, she is realizing how deep these feelings for lack of trust run for her. 

This girl can sit on her pity pot and blame the arrogant, unavailable step father who made her to feel as a child that she was always in the way. That her existence didn’t matter and even less, her feelings, words, worries or concerns along with any successes, triumphs or victories she accomplished. She could, but what good could come of feeling sorry for herself? It is no wonder that when this little girl who is residing within, whom her Daddy Dom nurtures and embraces, can become irritated and perplexed with this little girl’s certain behaviors?

We are a work in progress in our semi-newly, reestablished dynamic that once upon a time was strictly D/s without “sub”titles. When these instances arise as “issues”, this little girl can become frightened as she once did long ago, that her Daddy will shun her as well. This girl is starting to learn that her Daddy is safe and not to be feared as the evil stepfather was. Daddy truly cares about His little girl and wants to understand her and the why’s for this and that, but the answers don’t come by Him easily, nor do they for this little girl. Confusion can cloud her bad decisions in these crucial moments where the big girl needs to be more present. This can be the most challenging of times. 

Communication is of the utmost importance to Daddy as well it ought to be, for without proper practice and utilization of these imperative skills, He is left with frustration. The results also lead this girl to severe consequences that can be very difficult to receive. Worse than any punishment is Daddy’s being quiet while He processes things which ultimately puts this little girl in a lengthy time out. 

There are so very many parts to living a D/s lifestyle, no matter the “sub”titles within, little girls must contend with so very much, but our Daddy’s have quite the burdens and responsibilities to carry. It is this little girl’s desire to pay closer attention to His and to stop contributing to them, but instead to alleviate the ones she can while refraining from unjustifiably creating new ones. 

This post has become somewhat of a declaration and promise to my Daddy. This little girl will work harder on her communication skills by fearing less, trusting more and understanding that her Daddy is her safety zone. He is the One who lifts her up to be the best girl she can possibly be because He believes in her!

                       Thank You my glorious wonderful Daddy… XO

sisters in submission…

as her tears fall, i feel her sadness from letting Him down

through her humiliation, i feel her shame for failing to succeed

in her sorrow i understand her disappointment within

seeing her punishment upon her skin

i feel her frustration for a lesson she has yet to learn

we stand up to do better and kneel down to prove our commitment

show our honor love and devotion to Him

our hands are empty to show we’ve nothing to hide

we’ve become ready to receive His guidance, His direction, His instruction

our hearts open to reveal how vulnerable we are

our minds are free to receive His words

our bodies His to be owned

submissiveness our most precious gift we offer to Him and Him alone

we are a direct reflection of each other as Daddy and His girl

she is the representative of His creation

He is accredited for her self-confidence

she has exchanged total power control for her trust in Him not to destroy her

she is His foundation of strength while He is her infallible rock

where she may fall short He lifts her up to begin again

His correction is her saving grace to learn and serve Him better

her obedience proves her willingness to Him

He is her Daddy Dominant

she is His little submissive

 

she needs to feel needed, used and adored…

please do not suppress my desire to serve You no matter the cost

by doing the things that You have commanded

it confuses me and i feel lost

assure me with Your strength control and power

consistency always running through

like a bird on a ledge of the steepest tower

i belong to You Daddy Yours and Yours alone

no other could measure up

nor claim me as His very own

 

 

finding closure within something I never wanted to close…

dom and sub

I’ll stop crying when my tears dry up. I’ll stop wallowing when the waves stop taking me under. I’ll stop feeling the pain when my heart is mended and has been restored. I’ll stop talking about this when there’s nothing left to say.

Until these things come to pass, I am where I am.

I am left with this as the ending to our self entitled story, “my Sir and His kitty”;

“Of all the relationships ever in my life I would have sworn on the good book that we would have never stood a chance of ending up here. I’m sorry to have hurt you.” (former Sir)

Touching? Soothing? hmmm, the correct answer is, no. If I were to share the hurtful words that preceded this final statement from my former Sir, I feel confident you would concur. However, it is not within my capabilities to put those intimate details out to the world, regardless of my anonymity here, but just know, they cut me deeply.

Here I am, spun in confusion and sitting in disbelief still. Moments of clarity come in the reflective times. Sadness often prevails when a memory is sparked by a fleeting thought or a vision of a place we spent time together. I am learning to manage my feelings by simply allowing them to come. As much as I want to rebuke them because they are so uncomfortable, I try to embrace each one as my only means of escape.

Sir, former as you are now,  no longer am I going to give you the power to destroy my self-worth. Done are my desperate, weak attempts that directed me to relentlessly prove myself to you and for you. I was depleted of my dignity as I settled into acceptance of you being deemed the ruler of us.

My final sentiments I sent to you from my heart;

“All I ever wanted was to be yours and yours alone. I’m just sorry that wasn’t all you ever wanted of me too”.  (His former kitty)

 moon

me

topping from the bottom…

love a submissive

“When the sub begins topping from the bottom, or becoming dominant (small ‘d’) conflict erupts because one loses the trust required for D/s to become or remain functionally correct”. Partial comment from My Sir’s Mynx~

There are times when I find myself doing this and I don’t even realize it until my Sir brings it to my attention. I found myself in this predicament this evening. Sir informed me although I “have been much better”, it has still been happening now and again. As I sit here tonight alone with my thoughts, I am reflecting upon my feelings and recent transactions of such. Drawing a conclusion of the realization that yes, I hold myself in contempt, guilty as accused.

Is it enough to have the awareness of this action? The answer comes back with clarity, no, it is not. So what is the action to take? Change the behavior. Stay mindful of the feeling that washes over me when I know the discomfort of attempting to manage my Leader, my Sir. If I have chosen to be a true submissive, act like it. Embrace it. Don’t reverse and think topping from the bottom will slide by, going unnoticed. There will be unpleasant consequences and I am the one accountable and responsible for them.

Words are just that. Mere babble of desperation to correct  a wrong in order to make it right because it is uncomfortable. That is not sufficient nor does it deserve a pass. It fucks up the boundaries in the relationship that have been established. The respect that my Sir is completely deserving of appears modified and fabricated, when in actuality it is absolutely not. Meager attempts to back paddle and correct bad girl behavior is a high form of disrespect for the wishes and limits set and spoken by my Sir.

I am not sure where this came from or why the spring has been tapped. The holidays play an intricate part. In my world they aren’t all rosy and bright. There is a stigma that looms a little black cloud above. I have so much to be grateful for in my life, but as the days draw near, my expectations seem to rise. I want nothing more than for my Sir to take the sting out of the gloomy days that are lurking ahead, but that is not truly His to take on. My feelings belong to me.

My thoughts are as jumbled as my words here tonight. My healing comes from emptying my head and sharing my heart. I need to catch my breath, realize my position and adjust accordingly to the rightful ways of which life is flowing. A temporary loss of my way and direction.

Thank You for steering me back with Your strong lead and disciplinary tone. I choose to listen closer and follow once again.

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