submissively struggling though obedience is abound…

Actively participating in a submissive’s own life, apart from and separate to that of its Master/Dominant/Owner. Is this even possible or desirable? Because it is absolutely necessary for us to grow. 

How long have i secretly been imposing, possibly unknowingly and complacently hiding behind The Master’s needs while placing my own responsibilities aside in order to fulfill His completely and efficiently? Did He ask or expect me to in this manner of unmitigated self sacrifice? On the contrary, He expects nothing less than perfectibility on my part for the areas that enrich and help me grow towards self sufficiency, but at the same time to make His life easier in doing so. Otherwise, i am nothing more than a doormat dormant little leach waiting for everyone else, especially The Master, to handle decisions and completely oversee to the entirety of my life. Perhaps this is protocol in other D/s, D/lg, D/bg or M/s relationships, but not ours. It is a requirement that this lg/bg/s/s (yes, we have an established variety that works well for us) attends to the nature of seeing to it that independently, i can thrive. 
Today is a day of which struggle has been a continuous measure between my fear and faith. Within the discomfort, i find strength because i know as i fumble along and take initiative, i will find the direction of my personal purpose. Whereas,
if i wait stagnant with merely good intentions, ultimately i will suffer. 
True to all healthy arrangements in a partnership of any calling, neither respect nor adoration can be obtained let alone be sustained in the absence of self love and sufficiency to some degree, one would assume. 
So again, i remind myself to; 1. ask the question 2. receive the truth 3. remove the fear
Why have i been complacent?
Because i’ve wanted to be completely available to The Master’s disposal for His every need in the moment of His orders.
Is this our arrangement?
Yes Sir of course, but not at the expense of self sabotage or failure.
Are you being successful within our established agreement?
Yes Sir, so it is i that needs to look at my own actions and fears.
Thank You Master for understanding with a gracious, loving heart.
There it is, the truth beyond measure. Activate my faith with fire in my belly. Balance will come when the process is trusted for my higher good. Believe that i am worthy to receive and all things will fall naturally in to its divine place and order. 
and this is why…
Advertisements

what DO you want? …

The eternal question arises again and again, what does one want in this life

to give thanks for the blessings and accept them as they come

or keep our focus on discarding the elements of strife

a sheild of armor that wall of protection

let nothing in that could possibly hurt

cause frustration pain or rejection

some more broken than others in need of repair

hold their heart and dry the tears

show them that you do care

the purpose in this life or so i have found

is to give and receive love nothing else truly matters

hear the words barely a whisper yet mighty and profound

simply spoken and true 

three soothing words uttered from my lips

I LOVE YOU…

singing my own praises…

I am not a full participant in my own life. For as long as I can remember, the definition of me has always been dependent upon you. My happiness derived from your contentment. Often I choose solitude over seeking fulfillment of experiences. Seemingly glad to wait the time for me to decide my fate while life is in session. The parade of opportunity and destiny passes me by. Another task to conquer first then the rewards shall be mine, but that day doesn’t come.

Permission is not granted to take a break and enjoy the moment at hand. Still, there is far to go before a breath can be fully absorbed. Hold tight to the ropes and shackles that bind. Exhaling is a luxury when there’s still so much to accomplish the illusions I create in my mind.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead” I once heard someone say. The memo was lost somewhere along the way; “Life is too short to not take that gamble, that risk or leap of faith”. Still I practice patience, trust what I cannot see and wait in the balance. Others flutter by me some a mere blur. Their arms gesture a, “come join me”, but still I stare. Standing in wonder sometimes at what their lives hold, the treasures and secrets they get to share.

So I continue this journey on the path of straight and narrow. A good girl I’ve only ever known how to be. Scared to do it afraid, quite the conundrum when I think about it. I shrug towards them to the point of an ironic giggle. Someone said to me recently, “I can’t believe you would do this (enormous gesture) for me when you won’t even consider doing it for yourself”. Still learning to honor me.

His statement gave me great pause and I thought, no one has ever asked me to put my life on hold. It has been by my own hand and fear of losing something that I make these choices. If I move too quickly or freely without a care, but with regard to my own thoughts and actions, what will you do? After all that’s only considerate of me, but it’s what I witness in action of you, to thine own self be true.

When may I begin to see that I too deserve to live a life that was intended to be honored, full of love, happiness, comfort, tolerance, compassion and joy, carefree and in this moment content to simply be me. Walk parallel with you even one length aside, joined together in partnership truly taking things in stride, witnessing the miracles as they lay across our path, my hand in yours embracing of this great big world a warm, gentle bath.

Alone is not the purpose of which we were created to be. Things are unimportant in comparison to unity. If I had a magic wand a hypnotic spell to cast over, I’d wash away the burdens and contradictions that loom above and hover. Inside my eager heart often I do pray for clarity and direction. At the same time I toss in, “and God reveal to him as You may, your intention and affection”. Keep making me whole and complimentary to this world as I am meant to be that blessing, the one who touches the souls who are lost and in need.

Alone I came upon this glorious fruitful earth. Divided by the works of some I learned to quietly accept and ingest what was given. Figure out the difficulties a way to overcome. Do what you are told and the battle will be done. Peace shall consume this soul of impurities just as love has redeemed most of my wounds and insecurities.

I shall never give up on myself as challenging as I can become. Rendered a blessing to most a powerful influence of one, the messenger, a vessel with a grand assignment to be done. Remove thyself from your shadow my own light I must exhume, I’ve placed myself in the darkness now I must resume.

Who branded me of such limitation that I was not worthy for more than merely a frustration? I speak reverently of you as my promise and devotion all the while an inside disruption from non-reciprocal emotion. Opposites of attraction deemed such a quality match, tolerance and deep understanding are a kinder to my heart that you are the righteous catch. I have looked deep between the lines and found many triumphs and great pleasure that I truly am that golden harp laden with beauty for you to treasure…

because You chose me…

Your direction is where my day starts

it consumes my every move especially my unsure parts

comforted and safe always assuring Your little girl

protected from all things like the oyster hiding its pearl

taking pride in the way You own me i honor solely You Sir

without Whom this kitty would never even purr

Your patience and understanding found a new extent

redefining us in ways that clearly we were meant

Your power i am blessed with training and control

only this special little girl is inspired left feeling whole

Your subtle yet stern looks and codes are secretly mine

to memorize respect and obey but never to define

a direct reflection upon You Sir a mirror image of Who You are

Your little girl depicts a perfect lady to those surrounding from afar

never would i let You down or even want to fail

my highest regard is to serve and follow You down each and every trail

Your teachings are for my highest good for You to cherish and hold

to always take what is Yours my body heart and soul laden in gold

 

never hold Him back from everything He is and wants to be…

“your beautiful gift of submission” is what allows Him to be His true reality

from the depths of His soul to the kinks of His mind my submissiveness He will find

new definitions training and tools further we travel into a world of new rules

the things He will teach me together we learn exciting excursions with each turn

submit to His every exploration His desire His commands knowing where He stands

 push my limits as He protects me along the way trusting Him more with each passing day

to own me and possess every part understanding who i serve deep within my heart

never letting Him down bringing out His best shows my loyalty beyond all the rest

together we can be playful this is not a game it is a lifestyle we wish to claim

Sir brings it out of me obedient to my core i yearn for His strength as Daddy’s little whore

   out in the world His signals instruct me how to behave until we get home always His little slave

never hold Him back He will lift me high honor and adore me on that i can rely

together we unleash a new level of devotion more we will discover as He pulls back the cover

submissive2

my heart is full…

Hislove

His smell, His touch, His love I feel so much

my body, my soul, my heart, I give Him every part

His adoration, His loyalty, His trust, I earn for it is a must

my respect, my honor, my glory

only God knows the full story

our devotion, our closeness, our intimacy

through each other’s eyes we see

all life has in store, we can’t possible know

together we can walk through any storm 

holding each other’s hearts, protection from any real harm

time will heal the broken and any damage that has been done

for it is from the ashes that beauty truly does come

beauty ashes

 

As it should and always will be…

As you sweep the hair away from my eyes, I feel the gentleness of your touch

I look up then give my wanting you gaze, as I take you deep into my throat

 I begin to feel your every twitch, knowing  soon you will be taking so much
bdsm feminine
A deep moan released, the words from your lips,
“baby, what you are doing… fast then slow”
The rest left unspoken, just a firm grasp to my neck
lets me know what you are feeling so…
Master and Lord, my Captain I call Sir, forever obedient to you, respectful and true
My honor is to serve, make you happy for all your days,
to love and adore you, in every possible way
By now you can take it no longer, “get up here” my orders were heard
You spare me no mercy, as my body starts to tingle, from me, there is not a word
Only the pleasure inside, while I moan and scream, it’s almost more than I can stand
Deeper inside, pushing harder with every thrust,
your groans fill the air keeping me down, you must
Pushing on my back, I don’t dare move from under,
with the final explosion I hear, the last roars like thunder
We just lay there spent from some sexy, hardcore fucking
I’m lost in your touch soaked and filled with eyes glassy, all hazed over
Once more you caress me, share half a sexy grin,
it excites me to know,  I’ve pleased you once again