its ok to not be ok…

hidden behind the facade where the walls have been erected with mortar made from mud

the little child terrified from the fractured heart bound by fishing line and chicken rings

wounds too deep when unkind words activate are torn open wide exposed for all to see

how often played are messages of old embedded in the brain heard in hope of hearing a different tune

don’t invade personal space and catch a glimpse of the vulnerability and transperency

access denied to enter the gates of self protection

the guards wearing suits of armor ruthlessly portray indignant self reliance

puffed up to a world as the illusive island upon which to stand is safer than risk of possibility 

open the window just a crack  and take a peek 

allow the shell that remains the chance to be mended and filled once again

a celebration awaits with a resounding boastful hooray

the time is now to embrace the abundance with eyes open wide

declare the deserving of goodness trust the promise of deliverance and faithfulness of retention

let go the broken pieces for they shattered credibility while decieving what’s honorable inside

be free from shackled wrong beliefs knowing love covers all including places that attempt to hide

 

 

 

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secret thoughts kept in the doubting mind of His lsgk…

Maybe it’s all in her head
she wonders if He thinks she doesn’t know
she remains quietly praying over the one thing she does dread
instinct is a peculiar feeling
very seldom wrong
she has learned to listen intently to it
not push aside or place on ignore
this powerful message is what keeps her strong
she carries on acting as if wanting this life to be real
her best effort put forward to honor serve and please
her heart body mind and soul invested, excited just to feel
in her past she ignored the truth a safer place to hide
deny what was right in front of her 
not face the gut wrenching realities that hurt too much inside 
smile through the days
in the night He is right there
what really ventures through our minds 
enjoy this moment in time knowing how much we share 
being this girl in her deep level of submission is beautiful yet makes her very tired 
He reminds her often this is no easy task 
a consensual agreement to this lifestyle of which we both are wired  
so much to learn as her training continues she steadily grows 
not wanting to have insecurities be content in His loving arms
His property needs to feel safe under His control this He surely knows
one thing is certain this girl recognizes her value worth and gift capable to rise above 
understanding all this entails as she offers herself to Him daily wanting just to trust
in return she desires to receive His security protection and love 
the day washes over them our small town fun we did partake 
laughing and drinking talking and playing 
a beautiful day please never let me be awake 
 tears streamed slowly down as they walked through the door leaving a black stained face 
The Master slowly drifts off to His slumber while His slave nuzzles close in His warm embrace
the liquid truth serum revealing with His whispering voice in her ear~ 
“Your Master cherishes His slave you know, that is why I chose you and I show much I care”…
 

secrets thoughts kept in the doubting mind of His lsgk…

Maybe it’s all in her head
she wonders if He thinks she doesn’t know
she remains quietly praying over the one thing she does dread
instinct is a peculiar feeling very seldom wrong
she has learned to listen intently to it
not push aside or place on ignore
this powerful message is what keeps her strong
she carries on acting as if wanting this life to be real
her best effort put forward to honor serve and please
her heart body mind and soul invested, excited just to feel
in her past she ignored the truth a safer place to hide
deny what was right in front of her 
not face the gut wrenching realities that hurt too much inside 
smile through the days in the night He is right there
what really ventures through our minds 
enjoy this moment in time knowing how much we share 
being this girl in her deep level of submission is beautiful yet makes her very tired 
He reminds her often this is no easy task 
a consensual agreement to this lifestyle of which we both are wired  
so much to learn as her training continues she steadily grows 
not wanting to have insecurities be content in His loving arms
His property needs to feel safe under His control this He surely knows
one thing is certain this girl recognizes her value worth and gift capable to rise above 
understanding all this entails as she offers herself to Him daily wanting just to trust
in return she desires to receive His security protection and love 
the day washes over them our small town fun we did partake 
laughing and drinking talking and playing 
a beautiful day please never let me be awake 
 tears streamed slowly down as they walked through the door leaving a black stained face 
The Master slowly drifts off to His slumber while His slave nuzzles close in His warm embrace
the liquid truth serum revealing with His whispering voice in her ear~ 
“Your Master cherishes His slave you know, that is why I chose you and I show much I care”…
 
 

fear is just a lie…

The tears choked back her words, but she managed to get them out. Through the sorrow and pain from a deep, past hurt, she spoke as if thirty years were just yesterday. I sat in absolute silence as I heard my own sadness spewing from her lips. Reminded me again that I am never alone in this life. Whatever my problems, there are always those who have had some of them too.

With her final thoughts through tear soaked cheeks, she gave a deep sigh and thanked everyone for listening and holding her heart. From across the table, I looked deep into her eyes and gave a genuine soft smile full of compassion that said how much I understood. Her grief prompted what came from me next.

The topic was perfection, one of my least favorite subjects to look at because there is truth revealed. The all-consuming state of being that stole my ability to just be me. It robbed me of a higher self-esteem I once possessed as it birthed the fear that would direct my lack of confidence from that day forward.

Inside, my little (baby girl) was tucked deep away where she felt safe and hidden from the world. Inevitably, big was growing up right along with that fear while perfectionism was consuming her life. The deep voice over her shoulder, the constant procession of his cruel words stymied her from rising up to her potential. How long does a person exert such power over another?

As long as I allow it…

Fast forward to my next thirty years, “Why is fear your default place to go to with me?”, he asked me one day. I could not come up with the answer, but it gave me such great pain and anguish from childhood that I chose to look at that. How can you understand me when I can’t even understand myself, I soon would discover. Fear is the go to familiar hiding place that won’t allow judgement to seep in if I remain quiet. I can be invisible if I don’t go to the finish line where no one will tell me, I could have done better.

That is fucked up…

The ironies of three states of being, contradictions in a sense…

fear + perfection = paralysis

FEAR: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

PERFECTION: 1. The condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. 2.The action or process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible.

PARALYSIS: the loss of the ability to move (and sometimes to feel anything) in part or most of the body, typically as a result of illness, poison, or injury.

awareness + acceptance + action

AWARENESS: knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.

ACCEPTANCE: the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.

ACTION: the fact or process of doing something, typically to achieve an aim.

 

Construction underway…

I find it amazing, the core of deceptions that have been taking up space rent free for most of my life without my consent. Yet until now, my eyes have been shut to their existence. Through love and concern, honesty and caring, support and encouragement, that fear is beginning to dissipate. In bringing it to light, my protective glasses removed, at last I embrace you, in order to rid myself of your lies and deceit.

Truth is my friend…

Underneath it all is this incredible human being, capable of all things she chooses. She has legs to stand upon, a spine to keep her straight, the ability to conquer what comes before her, confidence and courage that dictates authenticity, a heart that is filled with honor, a soul abound with mercy and grace, and an abundance of love that carries her through everything.

Walk  beside me…

The road gets narrow, sometimes the path is long, but keep looking ahead, forever onward uncovering and discovering every blessing along the way.