attitude of gratitude…

If I accomplish but one thing in life and that is that I was able to show, give and receive the love in my heart, then my purpose has been filled. Maybe that is 3 things, but they all go hand in hand.

When I began this blog, it was at the encouragement and urging of my then, “Captain” of my life. I had no idea what I wanted to do or make this look like. As I peruse back over my posts, I see the changes and growth in this relationship, but mostly in me. It has not been smooth sailing, but like Grampa always told and showed me, anything worth having is worth working for.

I have never been one to sit still very long or camp out and stay with one mainstreamed theme as I have proven within my writings. I write for me and if something appeals to another soul, all the more encouraging for part of my purpose. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Never have I thought in terms of being like the proverbial iceberg. What you see on the surface is only a piece of what exists within this girl. I have been reminded often of not being direct and in need of a translator for my thoughts. I understand my heart pretty well, but conveying what is on it to another can present a challenge at times. As I write these words I again display a classic rendition of which I speak. Jumbled deliverances bouncing around seeking clarity, yet leaving the reader to decipher just what in the world this girl is saying.

I very rarely get sick, but yesterday I suffered a bout of something foreign within that forced me to be as still as possible. By late evening it seemed to be dissipating. However, after behaving in a wretched manner, I began to dislike my own company. I cracked open a book that I have intended on reading for some time now. As I began to devour this powerful read, revelations of myself were seeping in, strengthening me to my core. I shared snippets of my findings just to have them fall on deaf ears or so it seemed. Offended and hurt, I became relentless with my continued behavior, further rendering myself a nuisance.

Upon  awakening this morning, not only was the bug that strapped me down gone, my attitude was brighter. I forgave myself for acting poorly and chalked it up to feeling my aloneness and in need of soothing comfort during an uncomfortable time. No longer do I want to be at the mercy of someone else’s approval. 

The realization of where my focus has been and the ways in which it is illusive can misdirect me, but are becoming more apparent. There are so many things, including people, that desire my attention. It is evident that life does give me what I attract with my thoughts. Believing then that I will bring close to me what my energy displays. The verdict is in, everyone along my journey truly is a teacher in my life. I firmly embrace that.

Recently a friend took some pictures of me just for fun and posted one on social media. I in turn used one for my profile picture and the response, though not the intention or motive, was astounding. A simple drama free act, lead to more than I could have imagined. Typically I am not welcoming of such attention, but the outpour I received was somehow what I was in need of without knowing it. This particular site isn’t a place I frequently choose to visit, but suddenly I was being filled up in ways I hadn’t connected that were deficient. Shortly after what was innocent fun in the moment, God was sending messages through His vessels with His Divine appointments. Private messages were coming in with words of support and encouragement, reminding me how much my existence does matter to this world. Somehow I had lost track of that.

Evolving is a slow process of changing over a period of time. During these changes I have been experiencing some severe growing pains as I weather some treacherous storms, but landing on my feet is what this kitty has always managed to do. There have been times of celebration for triumphs and successes that hold my attention more. Press on big girl, there is more of life to experience, more love to give, show and receive…

 

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the can’s and cannot’s…

burning heart
Today is not the day I will stop loving you.
Today is not the day I will forgive you.
Today is not the day I will understand you.
Today is not the day I will forget your words.
Today is not the day I will heal.
Today is not the day I will have peace around this.
Today is not the day I will be unattached.
Today is not the day I will close my eyes and not see the visions.
Today is not the day I will feel this all a bad dream.
Today is not the day I will forget what I should not be remembering.
Today is not the day I will let it all go.
Today is not the day I will make revolve around you.

 

loveforgiveness 2

However…               

Today is a day I will still love you.
Today is a day I will seek to start forgiving you.
Today is a day I will attempt to understand you.
Today is a day I will attempt to forget cruel words spoken by you.
Today is a day I will begin to heal.
Today is a day I will allow peace within.
Today is a day I will try my hand at detaching with love.
Today is a day I will close my eyes and smile thinking about parts of you.
Today is a day I will hope to one day be in acceptance.
Today is a day I will remember what I should not forget.
Today is a day I will strive to let a piece of this go.
Today is my day and it will begin with me.
love on fire

grammar lessons or is it lessens…

self talk

Words that continue to play in the mind of this broken-spirited girl…

Manipulate; control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously

Obsolete; effaced by wearing down or away.

Deceive; to mislead by a false appearance or statement; delude

Mislead; to lead or guide wrongly; lead astray.

Delude; to mislead the mind or judgment of; deceive:

Harsh; grim or unpleasantly severe; stern; cruel

Cruel; rigid; stern; strict; unrelentingly severe

Erroneous; straying from what is moral, decent, proper

Crush; to press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deform

Temptation; the fact or state of being tempted, especially to evil

rumi

Time to write a new script…

Truth; actuality or actual existence

Integrity; adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

Honesty; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness

Dedicated; wholly committed to something

Trust; a person on whom or thing on which one relies

Sincerity; freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness

Devotion; profound dedication

Affirming; to express agreement with or commitment to; uphold; support

Worthy; having adequate or great merit, character, or value

Esteem; to value, to consider important

Love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person

tears

This too shall pass…