the silent killer…

CH, you are a good writer, but this is a death sentence. May you seek solace in the One True Lord and King above!

God bless you

^my added touches to anoint my blog^

“The sixteen commandments of poon”

by Chateau Heartiste

I. Never say ‘I Love You’ first

Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity. The man who gives his emotional world away too easily robs women of the satisfaction of earning his love. Though you may be in love with her, don’t say it before she has said it. Show compassionate restraint for her need to struggle toward yin fulfillment. Inspire her to take the leap for you, and she’ll return the favor a thousandfold.

II. Make her jealous

Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually. No girl wants a man that no other woman wants. The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship.

III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

IV. Don’t play by her rules

If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire. The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.

V. Adhere to the golden ratio

Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.

VI. Keep her guessing

True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate. She thrives when she has to imagine what you’re thinking about her, and withers when she knows exactly how you feel. A woman may want financial and family security, but she does not want passion security. In the same manner, when she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly. Reward her good behavior intermittently and unpredictably and she will never tire of working hard to please you.

VII. Always keep two in the kitty

Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.

VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary

Do not say you’re sorry for every wrong thing you do. It is a posture of submission that no man should reflexively adopt, no matter how alpha he is. Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day. And then your value will lower in her eyes. Instead, if you have done something wrong, you should acknowledge your guilt in a glancing way without resorting to the actual words “I’m sorry.” Pull the Bill Clinton maneuver and say “Mistakes were made” or tell her you “feel bad” about what you did. You are granted two freebie “I’m sorry”s for the life of your relationship; use them wisely.

IX. Connect with her emotions

Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendezvous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.

X. Ignore her beauty

The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire. This is one reason why the greatest lotharios drown in more love than they can handle — through positive experiences with so many beautiful women they lose their awe of beauty and, in turn, their powerlessness under its spell. It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”. Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking. Turn off that part of your brain that wants to put them on pedestals. Further advanced training to reach this state of unawed Zen transcendence is to sleep with many MANY attractive women (try to avoid sleeping with a lot of ugly women if you don’t want to regress). Soon, a Jedi lover you will be.

XI.  Be irrationally self-confident

No matter what your station in life, stride through the world without apology or excuse. It does not matter if objectively you are not the best man a woman can get; what matters is that you think and act like you are. Women have a dog’s instinct for uncovering weakness in men; don’t make it easy for them. Self-confidence, warranted or not, triggers submissive emotional responses in women. Irrational self-confidence will get you more pussy than rational defeatism.

XII.  Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses

In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dance floor. Your goal should be to attract women effortlessly, so play to your strengths no matter what they are; there is a groupie for every male endeavor. Except World of Warcraft.

XIII. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little

Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known. You don’t have to be an asshole, but if you have no choice, being an inconsiderate asshole beats being a polite beta, every time.

XIV. Fuck her good

Fuck her like it’s your last fuck. And hers. Fuck her so good, so hard, so wantonly, so profligately that she is left a quivering, sparking mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids. Drain her of everything, then drain her some more. Kiss her all over, make love to her all night, and hold her close in the morning. Own her body, own her gratitude, own her love. If you don’t know how, learn to give her squirting orgasms.

XV. Maintain your state control

You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.

XVI.  Never be afraid to lose her

You must not fear. Fear is the love-killer. Fear is the ego-triumph that brings abject loneliness. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.


The closer you follow the letter of these commandments, the easier you will find and keep real, true unconditional love and happiness in your life.


Your Lord and King

reblogged from Chateau Heartiste

*again, my added touches to anoint my blog*

      warfare     spiritual warfare


a lost kitty…

sad kitty

Where did Kitty go? Maybe the better question is, when did Kitty disappear? It was a subtle transition as my former Sir introduced a D/s lifestyle sometime back. At the time that was the way it was presented to me, a lifestyle, but somewhere along the way, the former Sir decided that a 24/7 wasn’t what he desired after all and the rules changed. The new memo was not entered into the invisible book, instead it was rather an assumption I was to just know . So lets keep it to a scene only D/s relationship, but continue to divulge in the lifestyle at particular moments that were never quite clear. The former Sir commanded and demanded every ounce of respect he was deserving of and kitty willingly complied.

He still deemed me his kitty and expected my submissiveness around the clock, when it worked for him, but still I wanted it. Confusion eroded this kitty’s brain. When do I behave as an authentic sub? The clouded version of what this looked like to kitty was far different from Sir’s version. When kitty was too playful in public, Sir gave disapproving looks with the assurance of correction when we got home. Another memo lost or blatantly not sub-mitted in the rule book. What was happening?

As time went on, the expectations placed on kitty increased to a larger scale that she began to feel defeated. There was such uncertainty to Sir’s rules that left kitty sitting in wonder and self-doubt of her obedience and  her role anymore. Often she became paralyzed by thoughts of making a wrong decision for fear of looking badly in her former Sir’s eyes. The last thing kitty ever wanted was to let him down. So she carried on as if all was well, because the former Sir would falsely lead her to believe that as the truth.

The deception that was being created was becoming unbearable to this once purring kitty. She now was in a constant state of inner turmoil that caused her to second guess her once confident self. The surety of what was to be a protected safe interaction between two people who consciously chose to enter a lifestyle together, quickly became tainted by extracurricular activities by her former Sir.

Long before they found themselves in this existence, the former Sir casually mentioned it once and he was told that his kitty does not share her Sir. Her boundaries clearly spoken, yet Sir held tight to his conviction that nothing had changed from when he first stated this long before. Here is where it became a muddled mess, a technicality if you will. Knowing my feelings that I am never willing to be one of many, why would I knowingly stay along for this ride? Why would Sir keep me? He didn’t need me.

Because it was not spoken of again, kitty thought she was understood and had nothing to fear.  How could it be viewed any other way I pleaded. According to the former Sir, because it was stated once, it didn’t deserve the consideration to be revisited as they evolved in their relationship and he carried on. Unspoken words on both sides have led us to this place of destruction, pain and sorrow.

As this lost kitty reflects back and comes to this present day, she mentally follows the path that brought us to this place we are now stuck in, turmoil of finality. The result has been the demise of this once faithfully purring kitty and, what I had assumed, was a satisfied, respected Sir.

We prided ourselves for our ability to communicate about anything, but even that became a criticized event on the former Sir’s side. His constant claiming that he was not being heard or his concerns being considered was inaccurate from my side. It began to feel like I was dealing with a man whose past life continually taunts and tortures him and I was somehow responsible for cleaning up the wreckage created by those who came before me.

Now this kitty feels she has been led astray, broken, crushed and wounded. Was there malicious, self sabotaging intent on the former Sir’s part? I cannot definitively answer that, for it would be mere speculation, but it feels that way. The reasons that come up for me are  his own paralyzing fear to commit for fear of betrayal from the women in his past.

For this kitty to have entered into such a deep, intimate interaction between two people that is solely based on trust, I now feel very deceived and extremely used and abused. My former Sir broke the rules and the trust that must accompany the standards of this world we became a part of. Too often the rules were rewritten and his kitty never received a copy. She was left to guess, figure things out and when she couldn’t, there was unfair punishment administered. Usually in the form of her former Sir withholding himself from her as he, “made room for others” because I “wasn’t interested in stepping up”. To what, I never had defined concisely, only left feeling depleted of his love. That was highly torturous and demeaning to kitty.

In the end, kitty’s Sir stripped her the right to call him her Sir any longer, deeming her unworthy and she is to “earn that privilege back over time” when her former Sir lets her know. She continued to fall short in his eyes, so she tried harder to no avail. Eventually the light shined down on the truth, that her former Sir had in fact not committed to her in the way she had thought. Instead he eluded her for some time as she continued to feel excluded and doubted he ever intended to give her any part of him.

It is now clear that this once amazing Dominant had become Domineering. It was a gradual shift, but over the course of events had become apparent to kitty. Now she is left holding her heart in her hands as her tears continue to shed, wondering how she arrived at this place…

trust in the Lord

grammar lessons or is it lessens…

self talk

Words that continue to play in the mind of this broken-spirited girl…

Manipulate; control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously

Obsolete; effaced by wearing down or away.

Deceive; to mislead by a false appearance or statement; delude

Mislead; to lead or guide wrongly; lead astray.

Delude; to mislead the mind or judgment of; deceive:

Harsh; grim or unpleasantly severe; stern; cruel

Cruel; rigid; stern; strict; unrelentingly severe

Erroneous; straying from what is moral, decent, proper

Crush; to press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deform

Temptation; the fact or state of being tempted, especially to evil


Time to write a new script…

Truth; actuality or actual existence

Integrity; adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

Honesty; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness

Dedicated; wholly committed to something

Trust; a person on whom or thing on which one relies

Sincerity; freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness

Devotion; profound dedication

Affirming; to express agreement with or commitment to; uphold; support

Worthy; having adequate or great merit, character, or value

Esteem; to value, to consider important

Love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person


This too shall pass…

One woman’s toss and loss is a lady’s found treasure…

treasure of loveI am reluctant to share this experience knowing the Captain will most likely read it, but he reminds me I am writing these for me… thank you, Sir! 😉

It was bound to happen, ’twas inevitable really. I knew at some point, I would cross paths with my Captain’s ex and yesterday was that day. We live in a small, rural town. The main reason most folks move here is to retire, unless of course they are like me and grew up here.  Back to my case and point.

I was in need of some retail therapy and on a mission for new panties to surprise Captain with. As I entered one of our few chain retail stores, at first I couldn’t be certain that the woman I was seeing was really the person I dreaded running into. I became pretty certain after a couple of unintentional pass-byes throughout the store.

I decided this wasn’t worth losing my precious time or wasting energy over. I was on a hunt for my new, pretty, lacy, girly undergarments and couldn’t be bothered by this woman. As I went about my business, finding five new pairs of exactly what I set out to, I got in line. The store was very quiet with maybe five other shoppers, including her. As I headed to the registers, I took another glimpse of this person, still trying to confirm in my own mind if this truly was the female I thought.

I had only met her once, over two years ago. Clearly she did not make much of an impression. Let me just say, yesterday, she looked older, more plain than I recall, you know, worn and a little heavier, shorter hair and solemn. Captain had shared with me once that, “she is more than jealous of you”. I remember thinking, how sad for her to have such low sense of self and how unattractive that must be to a beautiful man like him.

Traditionally, I suppose I may sound like a jealous lady of the ex, but honestly that is not the case. I know too much about her blatant disrespect and full case of no confidence in the man who I am privileged to call Captain today. I witnessed his pain and agony when we first met, yet felt so blessed by him gracing my life.

Some time ago, this woman had the nerve to call me in a desperate state. So often the case with her drama filled world. I will never forget the verbal attacks she made on this man she was supposed to love. Obviously mate guarding was a concept that escaped her. I chalked it up to one last attempt on her part to destroy another piece of his soul, through me. How was that going to work?

As I stood there, patiently waiting in line, I could only imagine that curiosity got the best of her as she approached quietly and took her place in line directly behind me. That’s right, a good place for her to be. I had just come from the gym and was still in my form-fitting little black shorts and bright, coral tank top that reveals my tattoos and enhances my tan. So, needless to say, I was feeling pretty good about her position and view.

I started thinking, “Lord, help me from being so petty and acting like such a freakin’ girl”, but there I was, behaving like a human I was instantly forgiven. It didn’t quite end there when the clerk called me over to her line, the woman behind me actually followed. By this point, I had yet to turn to look at the face that continued to bewilder me. Honestly I didn’t really want to know. Why should it matter? I took a glance as I saw her get behind me, once again, still not 100% sure.

By now I told myself, just let it go, get on with your mission and go about your business. God has this set up for whatever reason and it could possibly have nothing to do with me. More will be revealed kept rolling around in my brain. My girl brain struck once more as I was a little more than thrilled that my purchase she was witnessing were pretty, sexy panties.

I graciously thanked the clerk and went on my merry way. As I placed my bag into the car, I ran into a friend and we chatted just long enough for the mystery lookalike, most likely the ex, to come out of the store. My friend and I said our goodbyes, I climbed into the car and as I drove down the first row, I saw the woman in question in a fairly, newer car than I thought I remembered. Again, I didn’t make eye contact, but a subtle glimpse confirmed she was staring at me as I drove on by in what she knows to be the Captain’s car.

Somehow, this brief, oddly set up exchange between us of, me checking her out and her doing the same, left me feeling more at peace than ever. As I drove off, I no longer had the seething feeling of disgust I used to feel at the mere thought of this woman who tossed away the most amazing man. I have been so blessed to watch my Captain swallow the huge red pill and change over the years into this amazing, stern leader. He has truly become the Alpha male that was always deep inside his soul, but was never allowed to surface.

I know God had removed this toxic, harmful female from his life and presented him to me as an offering and a blessing. It is how He shows me that He is working in my life. I gave Him praise and privately thanked this woman for sabotaging her relationship and walking away from the best thing that ever happened to me.

best thing

Dare to be different…

I cannot recall exactly when the world of the red pill was introduced to me, but it was not very long ago. In recent blogs of others, whom I  follow religiously, the discussion has been on ultra high. I am learning so much more with every comment I read. No wonder I have felt for so long, a sense of displacement among the “women” who have been on my path. I wanted to be different from who they are. I am the only one who can choose this action for me.

Not only do I care to be, I dare to be different.

A quote from ~TempestTcup’s blog~ “AWALT but SWABTO” by ~YouSoWould~ “A woman who is striving to be the best possible wife she can be to her husband, in spite of naturally evolved biological traits that make it easier for her not to, can be considered “better” from the man’s point of view.” 

I substituted “wife” for “lady” in my translation for personal reasons because it works just as well for me. The man in my life is a former “Mr. nice guy” that served me up a big platter of red pill sometime last year. He made it clear that the choice to swallow or not swallow, was solely mine. By his calculations, it was sometime earlier this year I managed to get the whole thing down.

Since that time, I have felt more at peace and have a sense of belonging I never thought I would find. My awareness of  the “trolls” and bitter “purple or blue pill” women out there is heightened. Alienation has been the result for a big part of my choice as well. I am in no way complaining about this, but rather making a simple observation. In this respect, sometimes things need to be done for me that I cannot do for myself. Like extricating venomous well-wishers permanently from my world.

This is where I am at the current moment. While I would not sacrifice my happiness by continuing to cultivate those unhealthy relationships, it can be a lonely state. I am thankful to the Captain everyday for not only sharing with me the world in which we both belong, but for encouraging me to start my own blog. Here is where I feel I have found more of the true me that I have been striving to be.

red pill 2